Experts are stunned at the story of a man who claims to have kept a New Year’s resolution for a whole week.
Simon Williams resolved on New Year’s Eve to walk to the mile from his house to work rather than get his Mum to give him a lift.
“It was ambitious,” said Mr Williams, resplendent in a tracksuit he got off at the market.
“But I’m doing alright; Wednesday was a bit tricky and I nearly had to call Mum from outside the Post Office but I had a little sit down and was able make it, although I was two hours late.”
Experts have sought to explain Mr Williams’ ability to keep the resolution for so long by the fact that it’s staggeringly unambitious.
“It bloody isn’t,” said Mr Williams.
But experts disagreed.
“Most New Year resolutions are simply beyond the capacity of normal humans; drink a bit less, stop smoking, try and give a shit about work, cut down to two wanks a day, read a book, remember the kids’ names, eat something other than crisps and fish fingers, stop farting on the train and giggling.
“If more New Year resolutions were as massively unambitious as Mr Williams, then we wouldn’t see them tail off before the Sound of Music’s finished on New Year’s Day.”
However, it seems like the harsh realisation of what a New Year resolution actually means will cause Mr Williams to abandon his, even after the huge achievement of keeping it going for a week.
“I’ve got to do this for a whole year?” he was heard to exclaim.
“Balls to that. Mum! Get your car keys.”