Volkswagen has suggested the stink caused by their fraudulent emissions software is actually the fault of a Labrador.
Gesturing towards the dog, Volkswagen sad “Bad dog! Oh, naughty boy!” while looking around the room to see who might be convinced that the dog was actually to blame.
“You KNOW you’re supposed to install your fraudulent software OUTSIDE! Bad, bad dog!”
Simon Williams, an emissions expert and therefore exciting person, said “it was a poor effort, to be honest.”
“We know that this has come squarely from Volkswagen, mainly because dogs lack the opposable thumbs to install software that suggests your car isn’t fucking the planet into a round hole.”
“There really was no need to put the dog outside, we know for fact it wasn’t him.”
Labrador, Robert Sharp, said “I’m used to it now, to be honest.”
“They tried to blame me that time all the brakes failed as well; said I must have chewed through the cables.”
“Like most big companies, they like to have a corporate bitch that they can blame things on, but my massive swinging testicles would suggest they haven’t even got that right.”
The CEO of Volkswagen was expected to present a full and frank report today, but this won’t be happening.
“Apparently I ate it,” sighed Robert, “because I find bits of paper absolutely delicious.”