Bridge players offer compromise of five press ups for each trick to become a proper ‘sport’

The English Bridge Union has offered to include five press ups for each trick won in an attempt to be classified as a ‘sport’ in the eyes of funding body Sport England.

Despite it being a card game played around a table whilst sitting essentially motionless, the English Bridge Union is keen to seek funding from Sport England by becoming an official ‘sport’.

By way of a compromise, the EBU is willing to amend the rules to include press-up penalties when your opponents win a trick.

A spokesperson for the EBU explained, “Adding press-ups will help people see Bridge as a healthy alternative, rather than just sitting around playing cards with old people.”

“Plus, we might see a few old people ‘get swole’ as a result. Which will make a nice change.”

“The pilot programme of ‘press-up bridge’ has seen great results, and only a handful of fatalities amongst our older players.”

“We’ll be pushing to have it at the Olympics next.”

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