Can we please move on, ask pigs

The pig community has issued a plea that everyone moves on and puts the news that one of their number orally pleasured a young David Cameron behind them.

“Today is an incredibly embarrassing day to be a pig,” said spokespig Napolean.

“Yes, it appears to be true that several years ago a young pig sucked off the Prime Minister of Great Britain, but you have to remember the pig in question was young, stupid and very dead at the time, and as such really didn’t know any better.”

The revelation has sent shockwaves through the porcine community.

“I’m shocked and disgusted,” said the pig who starred in Babe.

“That a pig would do something as utterly revolting as giving a blowie to a Tory.”

“And now if you’ll excuse me, I need to spend several hours rolling about in excrement.”

It is understood the dead pig only ever performed oral sex on the Prime Minister the once and there is no suggestion that either party was romantically involved with anyone else at the time.

However, the humiliating story has seen the pig’s family have to go into hiding and there are fears that this is only the first in a series of revelations about prominent Tories relationships with pigs.

Pigs in Boris Johnson‘s Crouch End childhood home have been looking particularly nervous.

T-shirt – Things David Cameron has f*cked

Advertisement

NewsThumpNotebooks

Somewhere to write down everything that’s wrong with the world. You may need several.

See the full collection →