WW3 to kick-off after vague, passive-aggressive Facebook status

author avatar by 9 years ago

A Facebook status along the lines of ‘SOME people need to grow the FUCK up around here’ will prove the catalyst to the end of all life on earth, according to experts.

Scientists extracted the data from the sheer amount of aggro that has been caused by attention-seeking morons posting vaguely threatening and/or judgmental comments on a public forum, which was then escalated by six or seven similar morons who assumed the post must have been about them.

The scientists have come to the conclusion that it’s only a matter of time before one of the remaining nuclear superpowers get the wrong end of the stick and blow us all to fuck.

“It is inevitable” said Dr. Rupert Hainwright of the Institute for Moron Studies.

“Some twat named Sharon will put something like ‘I’m not naming names, but one or two people need to wake up and realise that not everyone thinks the same as them!!!’, and then Putin’s nuclear-trigger finger will get all twitchy.”

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In the wake of the results, it is widely hoped that Donald Trump will not be the next President of the USA.

“Partly for the obvious reasons” said Dr. Hainwright, “but also because he’s liable to blow up the universe the minute he sees someone say ‘some older men just need to let go and realise they’re bald as a coot’.”

“Mind you, don’t even get me started on Kim Jong Un. A photo of the wrong kind of cat is enough to get him all murdery.”

“But that’s just TYPICAL of CERTAIN Eastern leaders.”

“Oh God… Excuse me, I need to be de-programmed before I get near a smartphone.”