The Dealer constantly calls me about the electro-fog, insists Noel Edmonds

Noel Edmonds has said he is continually fielding warning calls from the Deal or No Deal dealer about electro-fog, and has finally decided to heed his exhortations.

Edmonds was interviewed earlier today and insisted that electro-fog is the biggest threat to mankind, because the Dealer mentioned it on every single call he made to him in the last 10 years.

He explained, “Why do you think those calls lasted so long, he only had to say a number – it lasted so long because he would constantly tell me to watch out for the electro-fog.”

“It was frying my brain and cooking my bones from the inside out – then he’d make an offer and hang up.”

“Apparently I could protect myself with patterned jumpers, so I began to wear more outrageous ones. Sometimes more than one at once.”

“Then he told me he had a special matt I could lie on that would rebalance my body’s electromagnetism.”

“Only five grand. I bought three. A bargain if you ask me.”

“He’s got a load more products which can protect me from the electro-fog, thank god, so I expect I’ll be ok.”

“The rest of you are completely buggered though, obviously.”

Television owner Simon Williams, “Poor old Noel. It’s saying something that his close relationship with Mr Blobby is no longer the weirdest thing about him.”