Greek gods ceded to Germany in historic eurozone deal

In an unexpected solution to the ongoing eurozone debt crisis, the Greek gods will formally become German on the first of March in part payment of extensive bond liabilities.

“This is a tremendous deal for both Germany and Greece,” said Angela Merkel.

“They get some of the money they need and we get their history and culture. It’s a fair deal.”

“What else they gonna do? Leave the Euro? Like they’ve got the plums for that.”

“We would have accepted the Elgin Marbles, but some bugger already got those,” she added.

Under the terms of the arrangement, Zeus, king of the gods, will become god of organisation and punctuality.

Hermes, messenger god of quickness will become god of efficient automotive manufacturing,

Aphrodite, goddess of love, will be assigned the Hamburg Reeperbahn and specialist websites, and Ares, god of war, will be reassigned to the European Central Bank to represent Germany in future negotiations.

No role has yet been found for Baubo, goddess of humour.

Reports indicate that the gods may not be happy with the arrangement, as Syriza leader Alexis Tsipras was simultaneously struck by lightning, gored by a mighty bull and turned into a laurel tree upon his arrival back in Athens last night.