Hodgson magic continues as England demolish plumbers and electricians

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England’s relentless march towards the Euro 2016 championships has gathered almost unstoppable momentum after a Wembley victory against some sheep farmers, electricians and a guy who mows lawns.

The nation’s football fans were left breathless as Roy Hodgson’s side barely broke stride against the 208th best team in the world on their way to a second successive victory in the qualifying campaign, bringing them level with Lithuania.

“They might only be the 208th best team on a planet with only 204 countries, but that’s no reason for complacency,” said England captain Wayne Rooney.

“If we’d all fainted at the same time, or all developed rapid onset diarrhoea, this result could easily have been a more mundane 3 or 4 nil.”

“But it was a good workout for everyone, and Joe Hart finished The Sun’s sudoku puzzle by the 75th minute, which was nice for him.”


A 5-0 scoreline may be considered a bad result for some, but not for San Marino’s players, four of whom had never even seen a football until Monday afternoon.

“This must go down as one of our greatest ever results,” said manager San Marino manager Pierangelo Manzaroli.

“And the players have been told they can keep the towels from the changing rooms, which has been a real highlight.”

San Marino midfielder Nicola Chiaruzzi was more circumspect in his assessment of the night’s performance.

“I’m a little disappointed I suppose,” he admitted after the game.

“But mainly because I thought I was coming to England to see Pharrel Williams at the O2.  I had to borrow some boots from the linesman and learn the rules just for tonight’s game.”