‘Foreign’ Ebola poses massive threat to our indigenous viruses, claim UKIP

UKIP leader Nigel Farage has warned that ‘foreign’ virus Ebola threatens the jobs of many domestic viruses currently struggling to infect people in the UK.

With cases now appearing in mainland Europe, UKIP have warned that our porous borders and close ties with Europe mean that many of our indigenous infections could be under serious threat.

Farage told reporters, “Clearly Ebola thinks the UK is a soft touch, and it would be right.”

“If this government had its way it would make everyone lick an Ebola patient’s face just because it’s a more ‘European’ disease than anything we have at home.”

“You can rest assured that under a UKIP government there would no place for exotic viruses such as Ebola, and we would work day and night to make sure everyone had access to good old British flu.”

“We would consider supporting Glandular fever if people wanted something a little more exotic, but that’s about as far as we would go.”

UKIP on Ebola

Many UKIP supporters have insisted that Ebola is only heading this way due to the UK’s overly generous benefits regime.

UKIP activist Simon Williams told us, “If you were an African virus looking for an easy touch, where would you go? You’d come here, obviously!”

“We don’t even make them take a half-decent citizenship test!”

“You mark my words. I’ll bet Ebola will be over here and enjoying a nice benefit cheque and a council house by Christmas.”

“And they’ll have proven somehow that treating them is somehow a contravention of the European Human Rights Act.”

“Bloody Europe.”

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