Monday 6 October 2014 by Irving Washington

Lib Dem conference delegate particularly looking forward to the orgies

Liberal Democrat conference orgy

A first-time attendee of the Lib Dem conference in Glasgow is especially excited about the wild, uninhibited sex parties that must be going on there somewhere.

Daniel Parker, from Exeter, said that while he was committed to the party’s ideals and determined to help them back into government, he was far more concerned about getting off with randy fellow delegates after ‘lights out’.

He told us, “I came here to meet like-minded people, and to exchange ideas, opinions and fluids with them.”

“Conference season reminds me of exactly why I decided to get involved in politics: partially to shape our country’s future, but mostly for the chance of a three-way with a London Assembly intern and a hot, sweaty spad.”

However, Parker admitted that the first two days of the conference had been disappointing, with relatively few innovative policy ideas and even fewer drunken fumbles in hotel meeting rooms with armies of sex-crazed activists.

The 22-year old continued: “I assumed it’d be wall-to-wall shagging, but I’ve not been invited to a single orgy, swap shop or play party yet, which is weird because they must be going on somewhere.”

“Everyone I meet wants to talk about politics, which is not what I expected at all.”

Fellow Lib Dem delegates reported that Parker might have more of a chance of getting some action if he stopped using the chat-up line: “I’m David Cameron, want to get into bed with me?”

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