Public’s inability to calculate how poor they are is saving lives, claims charity

The inability of the British public to calculate just how poor they are is saving lives, says a new charity launched to champion worse maths skills.

The group, National Innumeracy, says that the millions of people struggling to comprehend the sheer nakedness of their bank accounts, who also have difficulties in understanding just how much they are being ripped off by utilities providers, are at a distinct advantage to those who fully grasp the mathematical futility of their plight.

Spokeswoman Mary Ball conceded that most people simply prefer not to know the full extent of their destitution.

‘I think it’s fair to say that a lot of people are being put off developing their numeracy skills any further than being able to remember their own age for fear of the real gravitas of their financial situation appearing on the horizon.’

Chancellor George Osborne was quick to second his approval of the charity’s campaign to stop people understanding figures with a minus sign in front of them, particularly really big ones.

‘Our survey shows that almost half the working population of England have only primary school maths skills. This means that over 50% of people can still work out that they’re totally screwed.’

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