Andy Murray appoints Ivan Lendl as misery coach

Andy Murray has appointed former world number one Ivan Lendl as his new misery coach, claiming it will help him remove the last traces of cheerfulness from his game.

The world number four believes Lendl’s years of experience of frightening children at the top tennis venues around the world will prove invaluable in his quest to win a major.

Tennis expert Simon Matthews told us, “Ivan Lendl always looked like he was suffering heroin withdrawal whilst spending his sleepless nights murdering prostitutes, so we’re sure he can add something to Andy’s demeanor.”

“In the world of dour sportsmen, this really is the dream team. It might be a little too early to say this, but I think it’s a real possibility we will never see Andy Murray smile again.”

Murray appoints Lendl

Murray himself claimed to be excited by the prospect of working with Lendl, but not excited enough to crack a smile.

“When I was a kid I would watch Ivan Lendl winning tournaments and try and emulate him by scowling at everyone I saw – that lesson has always stayed with me.”

“I can only hope that some of Ivan can rub off on me and that I can start winning tournaments whilst leaving a trail of crying children behind me.”

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