Friday 30 September 2011 by Spacey

Weekly bin collection to help address food wrapper mountain outside Eric Pickles’ house

Eric Pickles has announced a £250m fund to help reduce the enormous amounts of empty crisp packets, chocolate wrappers and pie trays that accumulate outside his house.

The quarter of a billion pound fund is seen as a priority ahead of the NHS, Education and Defence, after pickles insisted it’s embarrassing having so much food packaging in bags outside his residence.

Pickles told reporters, “This announcement is great news for people who regularly fill bags with things that used to contain various food products.”

“Fortnightly collections simply aren’t enough if you’re someone who eats the standard eight meals a day, plus snacking.”

“I have listened to my complaints, and now we’re addressing them. This move will certainly please me.”

Weekly bin collections

Tax payers have welcomed the news, claiming that not having to be more efficient with their waste disposal will save them literally minutes each week.

One told us, “I know £250m could do a lot for health care in this country, but when you weigh that up against no longer having to crush empty cans, or squeeze the air out of plastic bottles it’s a no brainer.”

“And they’re doing something about speed limits on the motorways too? It’s as if the government has got a high-profile conference coming up or something.”

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