Criminal upper class to remain completely blameless

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With last month’s violent disorder around England being blamed entirely on a ‘criminal underclass’, it has emerged that the criminal upper class will continue to get away with stuff completely scot free.

Writing for the Guardian, Justice secretary Kenneth Clarke insisted that you can’t technically be held responsible for any wrong doing if you receive such things as unjustifiably huge bonuses or suspect expenses.

“Some people may ask what the difference is between MPs taking things that don’t belong to them and looters taking things that don’t belong to them,” he said.

“The answer is of course an expenses claim form.”

“The irresponsible actions of banks has cost the taxpayer billions of pounds, and the resulting cuts have cost thousands of people their jobs, but what’s the bigger crime? Pretending that none of it’s your fault, or wearing a tracksuit for non-sporting activities and putting your hood up when it’s not even raining?”

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Criminal upper-class

Mr Clarke also criticised the lack of an effective deterrent to stop criminals re-offending, a view which is shared by a number of taxpayers.

“There’s little chance of thieves and crooks not re-offending if there’s no real deterrent in place,” said 62 year old office worker Barry Morris.

“I mean, they steal all that money and then pay themselves a huge bonus as a reward.”

“Where’s the punishment.”