£30 home DNA testing kits to bring the Jeremy Kyle experience direct to your living room
by Andrew Driscoll 16 years ago Moron-baiter Jeremy Kyle show has announced a new live link-up feature where viewers at home will be able to divulge the results of their own £30 home DNA test to a nation of imbecile-hungry viewers.
Boots has launched a home DNA testing kit for £30, initially raising concerns of a dramatic fall in participants willing to appear on the Jeremy Kyle show, with affordable DNA tests moving results from a Manchester television studio to living rooms around the country.
However, show producers have insisted the new live link-up will still give people the opportunity to be humiliated in front of the entire country, without ever leaving the comfort of their own sofa.
A producer told us, “We’re thinking of calling it DNA-TV, and the section will be loosely based on the classic NTV from Noels House Party.”
“We will use webcams in the viewers house, where the student or unemployed viewer will be surprised by Jeremy talking at them through their own televisions, switching instantly between concerned reassurance and vitriolic abuse – it’ll be just like they were face to face.”
Boots Home DNA Test
Viewers taking part in the show will be invited to reveal the DNA test result regarding the paternity of a random child, with commentary provided in Jeremy’s usual style.
The producer continued, “It’s hoped we could expand the feature to include entire estates of men being tested against a child of unknown parentage, especially when the mother is pretty sure it ‘could be one of them’.”
“That sort of thing is logistically difficult in a television studio, but the Internet makes it a real possibility.”
Presenter Jeremy Kyle said, “The only thing missing from this whole exercise is a picture of my face on the over the counter DNA tests now available in Boots.”
“As an added bonus, we can’t be held accountable for any violence that occurs outside the studio, so if it all kicks off in your living room we can just sit back and watch. It’s going to be ace.”
Yet more NewsThump stories
‘We must cut capital gains tax for people who give me five-million pound gifts’, insists Nigel Farage
Reform promises to rescue Britain by taking money from people who can’t work and giving tax breaks to people who don’t need to
Italians riot as tourist orders cappuccino after 11am
Man begins three-day period of saying the time and then what time it ‘really’ is
Johnny Depp left terrified after Met Office issues Amber warning
