If we wanted third-world facilities we’d stay at home, say team Scotland

Team Scotland are the latest country to threaten withdrawal from the Commonwealth games, claiming that if they wanted to be housed in third world conditions then they would simply stay at home.

A Scottish team spokesperson explained that the athletes don’t see the point of traveling halfway around the world for an event that no-one cares about, just to be exposed to the sort of bleak conditions they experience on a daily basis in their native country.

As one Scottish athlete put it, “At least when I’m asked for money by the myriad of beggars at home, I can just about understand the accent. I wouldn’t understand a bloody word in India.”

“As for the accommodation, I keep hearing stories about leaking pipes, open roofs and collapsing bridges – sure, it’s an upgrade on what I’m used to, but it’s a long way to travel for a few weeks of relative luxury.”

“There is the weather I suppose, and I guess the conditions mean homesickness won’t be an issue.”

Commonwealth Games

Indian authorities told reporters that they are confident of having everything ready in time for the start of the games, and even now conditions are already better than in most Scottish cities.

An organising committee member explained, “Sure, we have had a few teething problems, what with flooding toilets, collapsing buildings and feral aminals roaming the place, but we’re still marginally better than Dundee.”

“We expect the facilities to reach Dumbarton-like standards by Wednesday evening, with all games facilities at least at inner-city Glasgow levels by the weekend.”