Cockney violence marred by footballing outbreak

author avatar by 15 years ago

There was surprise last night after a football match broke out during a violent assault by a bunch of cockneys on another bunch of cockneys to decide which cockneys were hardest.

The violence occurred between two groups of psychopathic cockneys, each with a penchant for football teams separated by a few hundred yards.

One football hooligan told us, “When those cockneys come onto our manor, us cockneys see it as taking a fackin’ liberty.”

“So we rounded up those cockneys, and us cockneys gave those other cockneys a right good hiding.”


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The violent confrontation was marred by a 3-1 victory for West Ham, in an unprovoked football match which broke out in the midst of the savage fighting.

“It was disgusting, I could hardly see this one cockney having his head repeatedly rammed into a plastic seat because of these blokes in bright shirts kicking a ball backwards and forwards in front of me.”

“My ticket put me almost 100 yards away from the real action, so all I could see were athletic men running around and the odd goal.”

“If I wanted to see that sort of behaviour, I wouldn’t support Millwall, would I?”


Organisers of both ‘firms’ have been quick to denounce the behaviour of West Ham and Millwall football clubs.

“How are we supposed to finally decide which is the tidiest set of cockneys if they insist on playing football right in the middle of our fights?”

“Is it any wonder attendances are down and proper cockneys are falling out of love with the game when their clubs behave like this?”

Both firms have claimed victory, and the fight is due to go to a replay at the earliest possible opportunity.