Bullies thank Tom Daley’s father for great new material

author avatar by 14 years ago

Bullies in the South-West have today thanked the father of 15 year-old diving world champion Tom Daley for providing them with some great new material for the forthcoming academic year.

Daley, who won individual gold at the world diving championships in Rome, has already had to change school once since the China Olympics due to incessant bullying, which now shows no signs of abating.

At the post event press conference Daley was asked by reporters about his win, before his father interrupted proceedings to introduce himself as Daley’s dad before demanding his son get up from the interview table and give him a tearful cuddle.

In front of everyone.  Absolutely everyone.

Daley referred to the incident at the time as ‘really embarrassing’, but clearly has no idea how well the incident was received back home.


A Bully at Daley’s school said, “I was a bit disappointed when I saw he’d won, I mean how can you poke fun of a gold medal winning world champion?”

“All I’ve ever won is a bet to piss out of a Geography class window.”

“But then his Dad insisted on a tearful cuddle at a packed news conference, and suddenly my day seemed much brighter.”

“I’d secretly been hoping he’d accidentally come to school without any pants on, or somehow turn ginger overnight – but this is much, much better.”

“It’s almost like his dad secretly wants us to bog wash him every single day.”

“But only after we’ve offered him a cuddle in front of absolutely everyone, obviously.”