World

Donald Trump evacuated from White House briefing room for his own protection after reporter asks him to count to ten

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Donald Trump was evacuated from the White House press briefing room last night after it was determined that a reporter’s request for the president to count to ten on live television represented “a clear and present danger” to his approval rating.

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Not enough bright orange clay in Mt Rushmore to add your face to it, Donald Trump told

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The geological composition of Mount Rushmore would not fairly portray Donald Trump’s likeness, the President has been told today.

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White House aides hoping Trump never has to pronounce ‘Niger’ on live TV

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After pronouncing Thailand as ‘Thighland’ on TV yesterday, White House aides are hoping and praying that Donald Trump never has cause to talk about the African country Niger.

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The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy repeatedly flying to Nassau in a Gulfstream 650, insists NRA

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The NRA has responded to a New York prosecutor’s investigation into leader Wayne Lapierre for embezzlement by explaining that America’s constitution mandated the vital need to guard liberty with machine guns, private retreats in the Caribbean and free golf club memberships.

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Everyone shocked that organisation which exists solely to promote weapons is run by crooks

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Everyone has been left shocked today after the New York attorney general sued to dissolved the NRA, with revelations that an organisation that exists solely to promote weapons of murder was actually run by crooks.

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Man moves smoothly from being an expert on viruses to being an expert on explosives

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Internet expert Simon Williams has taken time from his busy schedule explaining the truth behind viruses to anyone who’ll listen, to spend time telling everyone how explosives work.

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Nation with strict gun-control laws somehow manages tenth successive year with no mass shootings

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A country with strict gun control laws has somehow managed to go another year with no mass shootings.

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Leaping across series of 10ft high concrete pillars a symptom of fragile masculinity, scientists confirm

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Daring feats of parkour have today been linked with having a fragile male ego, scientists have discovered.

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Evidence growing that Russian hackers may be responsible for Tuesdays

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There is growing evidence that Russian hackers could be responsible for Tuesdays.

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Britons ‘pretty sure’ their opinions on US presidential election still matter a f*ck

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People across Britain are still ‘fairly optimistic’ that their opinions on the US presidential election are worth a toss to anyone on the other side of the Atlantic.

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