World

You can keep your thoughts and prayers because you could fix this yourself, God tells America

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God has rejected America’s latest set of thoughts and prayers following the latest mass shooting, this time in California, telling them he doesn’t grant prayers for things you can easily fix yourself.

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White House Journalist banned for touching woman’s arm by man who prefers full-on minge contact

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Journalist, Jim Acosta, is quietly wishing he’d been a bit more respectful towards women this morning after a bout of disgraceful arm contact resulted in him being barred from the White House.

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President Trump building massive wall around White House to keep out reporters

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Donald Trump has initiated the construction of a big wall around the White House perimeter with the aim of keeping out all those nasty unwanted journalists.

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White House staff club together and buy Trump a new house to replace the one he just lost

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Although the President lost one House overnight, well-meaning friends in the White House have bought him a new one so he doesn’t feel too down today.

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Donald Trump denies Republicans ever ran for any House seats

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Donald Trump has denied that his Republican party were beaten in a race to control the House of Representatives, calling claims they even fielded any candidates ‘fake news’.

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Trump sends in troops to secure House of Representatives

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Donald Trump has decried the loss of the House of Representatives as fake news and has sent in troops to secure the chamber in his name.

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New Banksy lends evidence to theory he’s actually The Doctor

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A recent suggestion by The Doctor that she’s actually Banksy has been lent credibility by the appearance of a new piece of stencilled art.

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New Republican campaign ad just clips of Nino Brown from New Jack City

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As the US mid-terms approach, Racist sex-pest and president Donald Trump has revealed the latest Republican campaign ad – a series of clips of Nino Brown from New Jack City intercut with pictures of a white woman screaming. A voice repeats ‘be afraid’ throughout.

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Trump visibly erect as he discussed murdering stone-throwing asylum-seekers

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Donald Trump, Fascist Monthly’s Man of the Year, and actual US President, yesterday appeared visibly tumescent as he proposed the murdering of unarmed asylum-seekers who throw stones.

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Hillary Clinton caught secretly posting letter bombs with someone else’s fingerprints on them

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Pictures have emerged of Hillary Clinton posting bombs with someone else’s fingerprints all over them to make Donald Trump look bad.

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