World

“Goddamn limeys,” growls Rishi ‘Tex’ Sunak

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Rishi Sunak, known to his friends as ‘Tex’, gets out of his Pontiac Firebird and strides into his ranch. He pours himself a generous slug of bourbon.

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Russian state controlled media strenuously denies affiliation with George Galloway

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After being linked to a divisive, rabble-rousing and self-interested media presence, the Russian state media has this morning categorically denied links to George Galloway.

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EU countries to immediately stop buying gas from Russia just as soon as it gets a bit warmer

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EU countries are to immediately stop buying gas from Russia it is revealed today, just as soon as the weather gets a bit warmer outside. 

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Asteroid survives near miss with moron-infested planet

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Asteroid 2022 GN1 has dramatically survived a near-miss with ‘Earth’, a planet well-known for carrying dangerously high levels of morons. The planet apparently came within 127,000 kilometres of the building-sized asteroid, which is merely a hair’s breadth in cosmic terms. Planetary expert Simon Williams explained, “It’s a lucky escape for asteroid 2022 GN1, certainly. Planet Earth is […]

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Man furious at Disney for ‘indoctrinating children’ delighted to take his 7-year-old for First Communion

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A man who is furious at Disney for indoctrinating children through the use of ‘woke leftist cartoons’ is today celebrating taking his child for their First Communion.

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Disney World on verge of becoming world’s first ‘Asshole-Free’ tourist attraction

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As the Fox News audience of mouth-breathing simpletons continues to call for a boycott of Disney World due to their disdain for certain Disney cartoon characters, experts say it could become the world’s first entirely ‘twat-free attraction’.

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Steven Seagal almost fat enough to become a general in the Russian army

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Martial arts enthusiast and noted Russophile Steven Seagal has almost achieved the minimum weight required to serve as a general in the glorious Russian army, according to reports today.

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Vladimir Putin regretting putting Baldrick in charge of Russian Army

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Vladimir Putin is seriously regretting putting Edmund Blackadder’s sidekick Baldrick in full charge of the entire Russian Army, it has been revealed today.

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Covid sceptic doesn’t understand why Ukrainian refugees are fleeing a war that has killed less than 0.1% of the population

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A man who thought that Covid-19 was a ‘no big deal’ and ‘just like flu’ also thinks that Ukrainian refugees fleeing a war zone are ‘massively over-reacting’.

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Russia kindly offers to scale back invasion of Kyiv, after completely and utterly failing to invade Kyiv

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Russia has very kindly offered to scale back its invasion of Ukrainian capital Kyiv, after being completely unable to invade the Ukrainian capital Kyiv.

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