World

Donald Trump brings in his best Action Man to play with on last day of term

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Donald Trump has turned up on the last day of his term ready to spend the day playing games and maybe even watching a video or two if the grown-ups in charge let him.

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Donald Trump to finally drain the swamp by pardoning everyone in it

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Donald Trump claiming a glorious victory in his attempts to ‘drain the swamp’, after choosing to pardon everyone who has found themselves in the swamp during his presidency.

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Russian opposition leader arrested for refusing to comply with poisoning

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Russian opposition leader, Alexei Navalny, has been arrested by the Kremlin after violating the terms of his state-sanctioned poisoning.

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Aliens demanding ‘Take us to your leader’ asked if they can come back on Thursday

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Aliens have landed and have been urged to brace themselves for something of a disappointment, unless they would like to come back on Thursday.

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Donald Trump compared to Jesus after newly-discovered Bible verse chronicles the divinity of ‘pussy grabbing’

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Outgoing twice-impeached President Donald Trump is today being likened to Jesus Christ by Republicans after the discovery of a new bible verse in which pussy-grabbing is considered the behaviour of the ‘divine’.

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‘Why weren’t The Kaiser Chiefs impeached for I Predict A Riot?’ rages Donald Trump

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In a statement, US President Donald Trump has questioned why Leeds indie rock band ‘The Kaiser Chiefs’ were not impeached in 2004 for their smash hit song ‘I Predict A Riot’.

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US Capitol Police to adopt hope-it-will-all-be-fine strategy for Inauguration day

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US Capitol Police have announced that they will be adopting a hope-it-will-all-be-fine strategy for Inauguration day next week.

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Pfizer announces new 20% more expensive ‘Pink Vaccine’ for women

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The UK has bought 20 million doses of Pfizer’s slightly more expensive new ‘For Her’ vaccine, created especially for women.

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Guest Opinion: Now is the time to heal and grow together, and not politicise the destruction of Alderaan

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There has been a lot of anger in recent days over the so-called ‘destruction’ of Alderaan, but now is the time to put aside our differences and move on, says the Grand Moff Tarkin.

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‘Venture capitalist funded companies enforcing their own rules is definitely communism’ insists moron

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“Communism is anything I don’t like,” insisted a moron this morning.

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