World

Perseverance rover devastated as first selfie gets only 17 likes

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Nasa’s Perseverance rover has suffered a major dent in its confidence today following news that the first selfie taken by the craft received only 17 likes on Instagram within the first 2 hours of posting.

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Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles are here to fight lower back pain and credit card debt

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The Ninja Turtles have grown up, and so have their problems.

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Piers Morgan tells Tucker Carlson that ‘gormless slimy tosspot’ is a coveted honorific in the UK

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In a tell-all interview on Fox News, Piers Morgan assured America that the UK supported his crusade against Meghan Markle as can be seen by how many people hurl insults and threaten scrotal removal with ill-adapted tools whenever his name is mentioned.

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Suez canal closed again after discarded Jacob’s cracker dries up the entire thing

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The Suez canal is closed again.

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Captain of the ‘Ever Given’ kicking himself after realising ship had a reverse gear all this time

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The container ship ‘Ever Given’ has finally been freed today, after the Captain of the vessel realised it had a reverse gear.

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Have you had to kiss Steven Seagal as part of a film? You could be entitled to compensation

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More and more women are claiming compensation after having to lock lips with Steven Seagal while acting.

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Suez blockage: UK sends team of experts to help Egypt pretend this is what they wanted all along

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As part of the government’s Global Britain strategy, the UK has offered help to the Egyptian government by sending in the world’s foremost experts at claiming a widely mocked catastrophe is actually a brilliant opportunity that will be praised by future historians.

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United States ‘getting back to normal’ as mass shootings return to pre-lockdown levels

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Normal life is resuming in the United States, as the number of mass shootings is returning to levels not seen since last year’s lockdowns began.

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2021 Grammy Awards Ceremony enters tenth day – and here is today’s schedule

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Although some of the more prestigious Grammy Awards – Best Mongolian Throat Singing Cover Album, Best Calypso Interpretation of ‘This Land is Your Land,’ Best Beyonce Album – have already been presented, there are still plenty more to come.

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Nation with strict gun-control laws somehow manages eleventh successive year with no mass shootings

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A country with strict gun control laws has somehow managed to go another year with no mass shootings.

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