World

‘2022 still pretty shit’ warn Australians

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The year 2022 is still ‘pretty shit’ according to Australians who have now begun bringing in the New Year because they live in the future.

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‘Leave me alone or I’ll go back to my own planet and take all my satellites with me’ warns Elon Musk

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Elon Musk has warned today that if people don’t stop picking on him he will head off home to his own planet and take all his satellites with him.

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Ghislaine Maxwell sentenced to six months in prison or life, whichever comes first

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After being found guilty on five of six counts of child trafficking and procurement, Ghislaine Maxwell faces six months in prison – or life, whichever comes first.

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Cookie Monster identified as patient zero for Omnomnomicron Variant

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Local biscuit-guzzling weirdo the Cookie Monster has been positively identified as the source of what is being called the Omnomnomicron Variant of Covid-19, according to a report released by the CDC.

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Pope says extramarital sins aren’t major, in fact they are often minors

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The pope has confirmed that extramarital sins are often minor in nature.

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German Wetherspoons completely empty after unvaccinated banned from pubs

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All branches of Wetherspoons in Germany have precisely zero customers now that all ‘rational, sensible people’ are banned from going to their bars.

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Macron makes grovelling apology to clowns for comparing them to Boris Johnson

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A social media uproar by clowns and their allies has coerced the Elysee Palace into responding to a report that the French President had privately compared clowns to the joke without a punchline that is the Prime Minister of the UK.

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Epstein Pilot: I flew to Pizza Express in Woking over 200 times

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Jeffrey Epstein’s long-time pilot has testified in court that he flew VIP’s to a number of luxury locations worldwide, including Pizza Express in Woking, over 200 times.

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‘I was just passing’ insists royal assassin spotted in gallery at Ghislaine Maxwell trial

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A royal assassin spotted at the trial of Ghislaine Maxwell has insisted today that he was just passing by and decided to pop his head in to see what all the fuss was about with no intention of ‘offing’ anyone if they said anything ‘stupid’.

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WHO to abandon Greek alphabet and name new Covid variants after Adam Sandler movies

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There are plans for the World Health Organisation to abandon the flawed Greek alphabet system of naming Covid variants in favour of the works of Adam Sandler, it has emerged.

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