World

Chris Grayling relieved he didn’t cancel his Christmas trip to China just because he had a filthy cold

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With China in lockdown due to the coronavirus Chris Grayling is jolly pleased he visited the country when he had the chance – and to think he nearly didn’t go because he had some sort of man flu!

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Donald Trump’s Middle-East peace plan based on giving Israel and Palestine equal number of Trump Hotels

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More details have emerged of Donald Trump’s peace plan for the Holy Land, entitled “Trump takes the Peace”, which would see Israeli and Palestinian territories receive an equal number of Trump-branded golf courses and hotels.

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Prince Andrew tells FBI that he wasn’t available as he’d nipped out to Pizza Express

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Prince Andrew’s non-cooperation with the FBI is down to bad timing and his love for a deep pan Fiorentina, it has emerged.

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Mulder and Scully very keen to interview weird man who can’t sweat

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Two FBI agents specialising in dark and disturbing phenomena are extremely interested in speaking to Prince Andrew, known in their files as ‘the man who doesn’t sweat’.

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Global analogy shortage just like a something-or-other

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A world shortage in analogies has proved to be like a something-or-other for the analogy industry.

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United States threatening big tariffs on our products just one of the many benefits of sovereignty, insist Brexiters

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Seeing the United States threaten retaliatory tariffs for us making laws they don’t like is just one of the many benefits of sovereignty, according to Brexiters today.

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Stories about coronavirus going viral go viral

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Reports about the Chinese coronavirus going viral have been going viral this morning.

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Trump impeachment: Senators masturbate and do laundry during trial

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US Senators have been doing laundry, masturbating and breaking other rules during President Donald Trump’s impeachment trial.

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Harry and Meghan stunned to discover that paparazzi wankers exist in other countries too

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Harry and Meghan have been alarmed and disappointed to learn that amoral paparazzi shits aren’t just a dismal feature of public life in England, but they can be found elsewhere too.

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Deadly Coronavirus nothing to do with piss-poor bottled lager, drinkers reassured

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Concerned fans of piss-poor lager have been reassured that their health is at no risk from drinking the beer, or at least no more than usual.

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