‘MORNING EVERYONE! TIME TO WAKE UP!’ scream nation’s friendly birds at 4:05 am
Birds have decided it’s time to wake up today, at 4:05am, just because it’s getting a bit light outside.
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“Don’t ask me about my business” Nicola Sturgeon tells Diane Keaton before meeting several capos
Nicola Sturgeon furiously warned Diane Keaton not to ask about her business, after Diane Keaton asked about Sturgeon’s involvement in any crimes.
‘Sinister forces’ that blocked Nadine Dorries’ peerage revealed to be family of ostriches seeking vengeance for her eating their Grandad’s arsehole on TV
Nadine Dorries was blocked from joining the House of Lords by a well-connected family of Ostriches, seeking vengeance against the former MP after she brazenly consumed their grandad’s sphincter on national television for the entertainment of viewers.
Jack Grealish genuinely considering going to bed soon
Jack Grealish is almost… almost finished partying, and may well consider going to bed soon, it has been revealed this morning.
