Whitehall insiders have secretly revealed that Downing Street is actually touched by the kind words directed at Theresa May by Jeremy Corbyn during parliamentary questions today.
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Downing Street has countered accusations that No Deal will be a disaster by stating the UK will be subdivided to facilitate food distribution and that they will create some sort of sporting event for teenagers to lift everybody’s mood.
Leading scientists have concluded that mini mince pies are less Christmassy than a complete absence of mince pies.
The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future have announced that they’re not even going to bother trying to get Theresa May to mend her ways this year.
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