UK

Man complaining about eating chlorine-washed chicken unaware he swallowed chlorine-washed verruca at pool this morning

Health conscious Brits, campaigning for the UK to veto any possible deal to import chlorine-washed chicken from the US, are apparently more than happy to gulp down a mouthful of chlorine washed scabs, verrucae and snot in their local swimming pool.

Chris Grayling has nude photos of Theresa May

It has been revealed that ex-village idiot and current Transport Secretary Chris Grayling holds a number of nude photos of Theresa May.

Theresa May to get rid of police altogether after claiming no link between officer numbers and crime levels

Theresa May has taken the next logical step in her war against the police, it has emerged.

Post-Brexit pancakes to be made of sawdust and glue

People are planning to spend Shrove Tuesday indulging themselves with sweet pancake-based treats before starving for the next forty years due to the lack of appropriate ingredients.

That’s not how bluffing works, nation tells Brexit minister David Davis

Chancellor performs U-turn on National Insurance following ‘friendly chat’ with plumber

Doctor Who to offer Theresa May time travel advice as she prepares to take entire country back fifty years

Unhappy family

Worker on zero-hour contract doing zero hours delighted he’s not in unemployed figures

Man claiming to know ‘a great little place to eat’ takes guests to small Nando’s

Giant gorilla cleared of murdering twelve people

Katie Hopkins cancels weekend plans to binge-watch new African famine

Woman becomes expert in human psychology after sixth glass of Prosecco

‘Can’t we just flip a coin?’ asks referendum-weary public

Nigel Farage’s head detonates after EU bans Muslim headscarves from workplace

Brexiter delighted with lack of parliamentary sovereignty when decision is one he agrees with

‘Divisive’ referendum ‘will cause huge economic uncertainty’ says woman enacting divisive referendum causing huge economic uncertainty

Hilda Ogden expresses anger at EU’s workplace headscarf ban

When we said ‘once in a lifetime’ we meant ‘a Glasgow lifetime’, clarifies SNP

Nicola Sturgeon to make sure Scotland votes the right way this time by printing fantastic lies on a bus

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