Mark Francois’ VE Day erection enters 27th hour
Mark Francois, the patriotic Tory MP who has fought and died in every British conflict in the last hundred years, has announced that his VE Day erection has, so far, lasted 27 hours.
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Homeopaths delighted by all the support they’re getting after nobody claps for them
Practitioners of homeopathic medicine are reported to be ‘touched and pleased’ by the support from the general public after nobody whatsoever turned out to clap for them.
Rabid nationalist surprisingly spending day celebrating defeat of rabid nationalists
A local rabid nationalist has spent the morning fiercely denying any possible irony in his celebrating a day to commemorate an international partnership that defeated a different group of rabid nationalists.
Just keep soft play centres closed, plead parents
Mums and dads across the UK are praying that the potential lockdown easing on Sunday won’t include the reopening of soft play centres.
