Sources indicate that the furry ball of cuteness you are absentmindedly stroking while reading a book has decided you might be mistaking it for a dog so it will shortly pretend to be spooked by the neighbour’s doorbell and leave permanent scars in your thigh.
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Wetherspoons has begun hiring long-distance runners and all staff are to begin marathon training from today in order to build up the stamina required to deliver table service to the thirsty hordes at their array of massive pubs across the UK.
The Government has announced that it has moved to the surreal stage of its coronavirus response with advice to not lick a zebra and to put coal in your pants.
People who get a kick out of risking their lives can’t wait for cinemas to reopen so they can fill their boots at the self-service sweet counter.
Keep up with the latest bouts of catastrophic
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