Philip Schofield was left understandably confused this morning after interviewing a ‘fluffy, blond’ critter that communicates in incomprehensible gibberish and likes a couple of fingers up its arse.
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Hope is slowly fading for the safe return of Mark Francois, the dull-witted London lad that captured the hearts of a nation with his hilarious impressions of a pompous Tory MP desperately trying to hog the limelight, who has not been seen since early November.
The Daily Mail has today called for the re-introduction of the death penalty after it emerged that not everyone tunes in to watch a pre-recorded broadcast from Her Majesty on Christmas Day.
The UK’s prosperity in a post-Brexit world is now entirely reliant on Donald Trump not remembering that time Boris said he was “clearly out of his mind”.
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