As Italy goes into lockdown and the WHO warns the world is on the brink of a pandemic, the Prime Minister has stated he might respond to the emergency with his signature move of sodding off to some island paradise for a spell.
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Somali pirates have attacked a tanker carrying two million barrels of the most valuable cargo in the world today, hand sanitiser.
Turmoil in the international markets overnight has left the price of oil half what is was two months ago – resulting in leading fuel companies thinking about knocking a penny of the price of petrol.
Experts are today insisting that Coronavirus cannot infect people who read NewsThump, and we’re happy saying that because apparently people will believe any old rubbish.
Keep up with the latest bouts of catastrophic
bellendry from all around the world.
