The Tories are to save themselves a bit of time at the next election by giving voters the opportunity not only to elect the party again, but also to declare that they are happy not to be resuscitated in the event of any future pandemic.
View article >
As national unity turns to a mood of recrimination, Downing Street has managed to score a great PR coup by announcing that it had saved thousands of lives by getting Boris Johnson to have a nap instead of bumbling into COBRA meetings and bollocking-up pandemic planning.
Launching his JustGiving appeal, inspirational local man Simon Williams has pledged that every time he fancies “a piece of cheesecake or a can of pop,” he will heave himself off the settee and waddle through to the kitchen to fetch it personally.
As everyone shares photos of themselves aged 20 on social media, a crude cave painting has been found of Jacob Rees-Mogg as a young man.
Keep up with the latest bouts of catastrophic
bellendry from all around the world.
