Prime Minister Boris Johnson has unveiled Project Speed, a homage to the 1994 Keanu Reeves movie in which a psychopath is happy to see loads of innocent people die if things don’t move fast enough for him.
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As Leicester became the first individual location to be under a local lockdown, hundreds of thousands of residents have insisted they will only go out in case of emergencies, such as the need to self-administer an eye test.
A reboot of the classic early-nineties TV show Baywatch will see David Hasselhoff continuing to save lives, but this time by preventing them from going on the beach in the first place.
Gary Lineker is determined that the world should not live without Walkers’ crisps.
Keep up with the latest bouts of catastrophic
bellendry from all around the world.
