UK Government plc is planning to make all school days last from 9am until 5pm, with no holidays to look forward to, in order to prepare kids for a life of endless monotony and desk-bound boredom.
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Grant Shapps, a Minister for Transport who looks like Tony Blair’s idiot brother, has warned the public that the UK would impose the harshest penalties of up to 10 years jail on quarantine breakers who are neither colleagues nor relatives of the Prime Minister.
After being told that it is not advisable to put peaches in the freezer as they will oxidise, Toby Young has launched a new freeze peach campaign – ‘Toby Young’s Freeze Peach Union.’
Travellers who lie about having visited Red List countries will face incredibly harsh punishment – a decade locked inside a Pontins holiday camp.
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