UK

Vote Tory, urge newspapers owned by billionaire tax avoiders

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The Sun, Daily Mail, The Express and The Telegraph have urged their readers to vote Conservative in the upcoming general election in a selfless bid to protect their owners’ vast wealth.

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Accusations emerge online that shocking depiction of Jesus in a manger was ‘staged’ by his mother

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Depictions of the baby Jesus in a manger have resulted in accusations that the whole thing was staged by his mother to push her blatant Christian agenda.

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Boris Johnson hides in fridge with the rest of the gammon

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Boris Johnson has sought solace in a fridge, where he was accompanied by some other gammon.

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Boris Johnson faces waking nightmare after locking himself in a fridge with Andrew Neil

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Boris Johnson has been forced to endure a nightmare morning after accidentally locking himself in a fridge with Andrew Neil, in an attempt to avoid questions from Good Morning Britain.

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Compassionate Conservatives attack disastrous record of heartless Tory bastards

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In the final day of the General Election campaign, kind Tory politicians who see eye-to-eye with average Brits have promised they would do all they can to reverse the horrific effects of a decade of cruel ineffective policies by the vicious Etonian swine of the Conservative Party.

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Boris tries to hide consequences of nine years of Tory rule in his pocket

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There was further embarrassment for Prime Minister Boris Johnson yesterday as, when confronted with the disastrous consequences of nine years of Tory rule, he tried to hide it in his pocket and talk about something else.

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Boris Johnson hopes recreating scene from Love Actually tricks people into forgetting he’s a twat

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Boris Johnson has used a party political broadcast in the style rom-com Love Actually to promote his party before the general election, in the mistaken belief it will erase all memories of him being a colossal twat.

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Matt Hancock’s aide given ‘atomic wedgie’ by Labour activist, claim Tories

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In order to deflect attention from Boris Johnson’s total disregard for sick and dying members of the public the Conservatives are claiming that one of the Health Secretary’s aides was wedgied with extreme prejudice.

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‘Stick pins in immigrants’ feet and call them shits’ – PM unveils new immigration plan

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Boris Johnson has unveiled a bold plan to be mean to immigrants under a new Tory government.

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Poor to stay warm this winter by burning huge piles of unread Liberal Democrat election leaflets

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The Liberal Democrats have been hailed as ‘lifesavers’ today, after it was revealed that every house in the country has received several sacks of election leaflets from the party.

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