UK

Ministers relieved nobody noticed High Court ruled they unlawfully gave £300m PPE contracts to their mates

After a busy day in current affairs, the Conservative government has today breathed a huge sigh of relief that nobody seems to have noticed that the High Court deemed ‘unlawful’ their use of a VIP lane to fast track PPE contracts to their friends.

Prince Andrew unhappy

Prince Andrew court verdict proves once again that rich, powerful, white guys just can’t catch a break

The court decision that a civil case against Prince Andrew can go ahead just goes to prove something that everyone knows – rich, powerful, white guys just can’t get a break.

“Goooooood” chuckles Dominic Cummings

Dominic Cummings is having a good chuckle to himself this afternoon.

Boris Johnson ruffling his hair

Boris Johnson really hoping the Queen dies right about now

Her Majesty the Queen popping her clogs later this afternoon would be pretty much the ideal thing to happen, Boris Johnson has decided.

Parents looking forward to not having to do their children’s schoolwork for a whole week

Xi Jinping of China

China bans BBC in protest at £1.50 rise in licence fee

Man with bloodshot eye

Daily Mail reader bursts blood vessel in eye after Meghan Markle wins privacy case

Woman buys chair that no-one will ever be allowed sit on

Man shrugging his shoulders to a question he is asking

Study finds that if you do not know how to correctly use an apostrophe then your an idiot

Vulnerable Spurs defence leaps to head of vaccine queue

New Government guidelines on unsafe cladding include ‘Don’t set fire to anything’ and ‘Pray’

Government to make every school day 9 til 5 with no holidays to properly prepare kids for a life of endless drudgery

UK will impose strict quarantine rules right until a senior Tory breaks them, promises Grant Shapps

‘PC woke elites!’ Toby Young fights for the right to freeze peach

UK arrivals who hide ‘high-risk’ journeys face ten years in Pontins

Homeworker still managing to use snow as excuse not to do any work

Having a giant Union Jack behind you on video calls an acceptable substitute for doing a good job, insist Tories

UK terrorism threat level lowered because it is now such a well-loved, bridge-building nation

Everyone agrees GB News will be ‘an essential new voice telling it like is’ or ‘a cess-pit of confirmation bias for nut-jobs’

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