UK

UFC looking to snap up Joey Barton in transfer window

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The Ultimate Fighting Championship is expected to swoop in for Joey Barton this summer after he once again demonstrated his natural ability in a post-match incident in the tunnel at Barnsley in April.

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‘Free Delivery over £75’ is not a f*cking special offer, online shops told

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The world has united in disdain for online companies sending emails with ‘Special offer inside!’, only to find it contains a ‘free delivery when you spend over £75’ voucher inside.

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Brexit Party graciously accepts Ursula von der Leyen as EU President after she secures 52% of the vote

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Brexit Party members have this evening graciously welcomed Germany’s Ursula von der Leyen as the newly elected president of the EU Commission, after a secret ballot among MEPs showed that she secured a massive 52% share of the votes.

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Scotland begs the US not to send Donald Trump ‘back to where he came from’

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Members of the public across Scotland have pleaded with the United States not to send Donald Trump their way, after the President implied some Americans could be sent back to the nation of their parents.

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Trump’s comments are totally unacceptable, insists man who refers to black children as picaninnies

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Tory racist Boris Johnson has joined other Tory racist Theresa May in condemning Donald Trump’s suggestion that congresswomen of colour go back to the countries they came from.

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I utterly condemn Donald Trump’s tweets but I won’t tell you why, insists courageous Boris Johnson

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Prime Minister-in-waiting Boris Johnson has reacted to the US President’s Twitter rant, in which he told BAME congresswomen to ‘go home’, by bravely declaring they were completely unacceptable but refusing to say why as it might upset Donald Trump.

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You can’t even say racist things without being called a racist, complains rich old white man

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A 73-year-old American man has today lamented a society where you can’t even say racist things without everyone calling you a racist.

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England can’t be ‘World’ Champions at cricket because we don’t play it, insists American Baseball fan

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An American baseball fan has this afternoon taken to social media to explain why England can’t be the ‘World Champions’ of cricket because American doesn’t play the game.

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Putting ‘GO HOME’ on the side of a fleet of vans is always more effective than a Tweet, May tells Trump

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Donald Trump has today been criticised for sending a tweet telling a number of Democratic congresswomen of colour to ‘go home’ by a woman who once went one step further and printed it on a fleet of vans.

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UK demands to be led by naked head miner from Chernobyl TV series

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The UK has demanded that the Conservative leadership race be abandoned, and instead that the head miner from the excellent TV series Chernobyl assume head of state.

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