UK

Why won’t Brits pick vegetables for a ridiculously high and completely fictional hourly wage?

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The Daily Telegraph is today asking why the nation’s workers are unwilling to take jobs picking fruit and vegetables for a wage that is both very good, and also completely fictional.

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I thought ‘Up the Ra’ meant ‘drown all immigrants’ admits confused Nigel Farage

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Nigel Farage has defended himself today following footage of him on Irish television saying ‘Up the Ra’ as part of a private Cameo message.

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Man who sympathises with Extinction Rebellion glues himself to throne

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Prince Charles has said that he completely understands the methods deployed by Extinction Rebellion and has now glued himself to the throne, demanding to be made King.

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Amazon offers bonuses of up to 15 extra seconds toilet break in the run up to Christmas

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Amazon is to offer bonuses of up to 15 full extra seconds to go to the toilet during your shift in order to attract staff in the run-up to Christmas.

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Announcement of this week’s UKIP leader a handy reminder to put bins out tonight

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Neil Hamilton has been announced as this week’s new leader of UKIP as a timely reminder for most people take the bins out, according to reports.

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Sixty cyclists who pedal-powered Coldplay gig yesterday were just trying to get away

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The large group of cyclists who ended up using their pedal-power to generate electricity for an event that featured Coldplay and Ed Sheeran were simply trying to cycle as fast and as far away from the music of Chris Martin as possible, it has emerged.

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Boris insists he only broke Christmas lockdown rules in a very ‘limited and specific way’

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Boris Johnson has responded to claims that he broke the rules on social gatherings last Christmas by insisting he only did so in a ‘very limited and specific way’, before pointing out that this is now considered perfectly acceptable by the electorate.

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Man’s porch covered in small flies after going far too early with carved pumpkins

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A man’s porch is covered in small flies today along with the horrible smell of rotting veg, after going far too early with the carved pumpkins once again this year.

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Policeman fired for stealing £1 of Jaffa cakes wishing he’d only murdered someone

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A serving police officer who has been sacked for stealing £1 of Jaffa cakes from the station canteen has said he wishes he’d just murdered someone as then he’d have got a promotion.

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Weather to remain a bit inbetweeny for at least another week

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Weather forecasters are predicting that the weather will continue being a bit inbetweeny for at least another week.

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