UK

School uniform suppliers launch ‘my first hazmat suit’ range for concerned parents

Thumbnail image for School uniform suppliers launch ‘my first hazmat suit’ range for concerned parents

Parents concerned for the safety of their children upon their return to school have been offered peace of mind by opportunistic school uniform manufacturers who will now provide children’s Grade A  certified Hazmat suits in the school colours of your choice.

Read the full article →

BBC and Sky News neck and neck in race to see who will be first to film a dinghy actually sinking

Thumbnail image for BBC and Sky News neck and neck in race to see who will be first to film a dinghy actually sinking

News teams from the BBC and Sky news are locked in a tense battle to capture the first footage of a dinghy actually collapsing in front of them in the English Channel.

Read the full article →

Scientists urged to divert attention away from Coronavirus vaccine to create pillow that stays cool all night

Thumbnail image for Scientists urged to divert attention away from Coronavirus vaccine to create pillow that stays cool all night

Scientists have been urged to put their brainpower to something more critical the nation’s well-being than a Coronavirus vaccine and to solve the mystery of the pillow that won’t stay cool during the night.

Read the full article →

Russian Covid vaccine to be tested on Salisbury door handles

Thumbnail image for Russian Covid vaccine to be tested on Salisbury door handles

The highly promising Russian COVID vaccine is to be tested in now the customary manner – by applying it furtively to doorknobs in the Greater Wiltshire area, it has emerged.

Read the full article →

Donald Trump evacuated from White House briefing room for his own protection after reporter asks him to count to ten

Thumbnail image for Donald Trump evacuated from White House briefing room for his own protection after reporter asks him to count to ten

Donald Trump was evacuated from the White House press briefing room last night after it was determined that a reporter’s request for the president to count to ten on live television represented “a clear and present danger” to his approval rating.

Read the full article →

Boris Johnson confident system of rolling dice to determine exam results is robust and fair

Thumbnail image for Boris Johnson confident system of rolling dice to determine exam results is robust and fair

Prime Minister Boris Johnson has sought to reassure pupils awaiting exam results that his system of rolling dice to determine A-level grades is both robust and fair.

Read the full article →

“We have the resources to help refugees, but we definitely shouldn’t,” claims hideous human

Thumbnail image for “We have the resources to help refugees, but we definitely shouldn’t,” claims hideous human

We shouldn’t help the “Others”, according to some fuckwits today.

Read the full article →

Man who spent June insisting ‘All Lives Matter’ now calling for Navy to sink migrant boats crossing the Channel

Thumbnail image for Man who spent June insisting ‘All Lives Matter’ now calling for Navy to sink migrant boats crossing the Channel

A man who spent most of June and July tweeting #AllLivesMatter whenever anyone called to help a particular sub-group of our society, has today decided that the way to stop migrants crossing the channel is by having the Navy sink their boats.

Read the full article →

Cool side of the pillow also hot

Thumbnail image for Cool side of the pillow also hot

A state of emergency was declared in bed last night when it was discovered that the cool side of the pillow was also hot.

Read the full article →

Couple’s argument over who had the worst night’s sleep spills into third hour

Thumbnail image for Couple’s argument over who had the worst night’s sleep spills into third hour

A couple, who hardly slept a wink last night due to the extreme heat and humidity in their bedroom have entered their third hour of intense arguing over who actually slept the least.

Read the full article →