UK

Liz Truss announces plans to return to the feudal system

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Comedy Prime Minister Liz Truss has announced plans to build on her recent economic reforms and return Britain to the feudal system last seen in the middle-ages.

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Bank of England insists buying of unlimited Bonds ‘will not include George Lazenby’

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The commitment to buy loads and loads of Bonds to shore up the beleaguered pound in the currency markets does not extend to George Lazenby, the Bank of England confirmed today.

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Kwasi Kwartang admits to holding calculator upside down

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New Chancellor Kwasi Kwartang has admitted today that he may have been holding his calculator upside down by mistake for at least a month. 

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Working-class Tory delighted with his £30 a month tax cut strangely quiet about his mortgage payments increasing by £300 a month

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The government’s new economic policies designed to give working people more of their money is going swimmingly, according to any working-class Tories with a mortgage today.

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Sold off branches of Wetherspoons to be turned into theatres and cinemas

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As Wetherspoons to sell off over 30 pubs after losing tens of millions of pounds, many of those sold pubs are set to become arts venues.

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“The unelected IMF shouldn’t be lobbying government on taxes” insists completely opaque billionaire-backed Tufton Street firm lobbying government on taxes

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After the IMF issued a statement that the UK’s current fiscal policy was “f*cking stupid”, the organisation has been widely criticised for lobbying the government by opaque billionaire-backed lobbying firms.

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‘I will only leave the safety of this fridge for a photo opportunity in Ukraine’, insists Liz Truss

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As the economy continues to crumble around her ears, prime minister Liz Truss is refusing to leave the security of her large Downing Street fridge unless she is given the opportunity to be photographed looking brave in Ukraine.

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Liz Truss sends letter of no confidence about new PM

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It has been revealed that one of the letters of no confidence sent to the 1922 Committee highlighting concerns about the new Prime Minister was sent by Conservative party member of parliament Liz Truss.

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Man refused mortgage to replace the ink in his HP printer

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Factory worker Simon Williams has said the sterling crisis just ‘got real’ after he was refused a mortgage to restock the ink in his HP printer.

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First-time buyer celebrates after securing competitive mortgage deal enabling him to purchase three-man tent

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A first-time buyer is celebrating today after finally managing to secure a competitive mortgage deal to enable him and his fiancé to purchase a lovely detached three-man tent. 

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