UK

British Navy accused of acting as a ‘Taxi Service for Nazis’ after it emerges they rescued German sailors during World War 2

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Online firebrands have launched a scathing critique of the Royal Navy after it emerged it regularly rescued German mariners from the sea and shipped them back to Britain during World War 2.

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Nigel Farage praised by RNLI after donations surge attributed to nation’s ‘f*ck that twat’ impulse

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Sources at the Royal National Lifeboat Institution have confirmed that their next ship might be named ‘The Nigel’ after a tidal wave of loathing for Nigel Farage resulted in a jump in contributions by people wanting to find some way to make his life miserable.

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RNLI rescues Nigel Farage from drowning in his own toxic bullshit

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Former UKIP leader, Nigel Farage, has been rescued by the RNLI after being consumed by a tidal wave of his own toxic faeces.

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Twitter to start adding blue dicks to accounts

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Twitter has announced that it plans to start adding blue dick badges to accounts in order to help users spot weapons-grade knobheads.

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Priti Patel sending Navy warships to Olympics after seeing fast-moving rowing boats full of foreigners

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The Home Secretary is hoping to improve Britain’s success in the Olympic rowing by ordering gunboats to take out competition from overseas.

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Woman feels a bit too ill to wear a mask today

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A woman has elected to not wear a mask today, as she’s feeling a little bit ill and the mask would just make her feel even worse.

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Britain reminded that the RNLI are absolutely remarkable

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A group of people pile into high seas to save lives every single day, and we’d like you to stop for a moment and think about just how remarkable that really is.

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Man who spent years insisting our rules should only be made by ‘sovereign’ parliament not that keen on their rules about health passports

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A keen Brexiter who spent five years insisting the nation’s rules should only be set by our sovereign parliament is suddenly not that keen on complying with the rules set by his freshly-sovereign parliament, if it means he has to show his vaccine status to go to a football match.

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Games Workshop £5,000 staff bonus turns out to be one pot of paint and half a Primaris Marine

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Staff at retailer Games Workshop have received a promised £5,000 bonus in stock – meaning an average of one pot of Nuln Oil and ‘most of’ a Primaris Marine.

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‘Bloody foreigners, staying over there avoiding our jobs’ bemoans Brexiter

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Numerous Brexiters are today criticising the EU for raising a load of workshy fops unwilling to come over here and pull pints and drive lorries for decent British patriots.

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