UK

Under-fire Boris Johnson praying Meghan Markle does something slightly controversial soon

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In the midde of what could best be described as ‘a tumultuous period’, Prime Minister Boris Johnson is desperately hoping Meghan Markle does something – absolutely anything – soon, in order to take some heat away from him for a few days.

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Katie Hopkins suddenly keen to avoid everyone judging a whole group because of the actions of one lone murderer

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Far-right provocateur and walking yeast infection Katie Hopkins has been uncharacteristically vocal about the unfairness of ascribing collective guilt now that it’s been shown the mass murderer in Germany was not Muslim.

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Prince Andrew celebrating 60th birthday with ‘quiet one’ at Woking Pizza Express

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Prince Andrew is today celebrating his 60th birthday with a quiet family celebration and a Sloppy Guiseppe.

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Priti Patel to deport her own parents under tough new Immigration Points System

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Home Secretary, Priti Patel, has admitted she will need to deport her own parents under her strict new Australian-style points-based system to prevent them from undercutting British workers.

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Man City back in Champions League after Sheikh Mansour buys UEFA

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Manchester City’s exclusion from the Champions League has been dramatically lifted today after it has emerged that their owner Sheikh Mansour has bought UEFA in a cash-only deal.

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Chris Grayling goes into hiding after hearing government will keep ‘low-skilled workers’ out of the country

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Former Transport Secretary Chris Grayling has gone into hiding after the government announced plans to deny work visas for non-skilled workers after Brexit.

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Mail online pays heartfelt tribute to Caroline Flack with pictures of her ‘£3,000 a-month apartment’

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The highbrow click-baiters at the Mail Online, have clearly reflected on the social media outcry over intrusive reporting of celebrities following the tragic passing of Caroline Flack, by posting oh-so thoughtful pictures of the interior of her London apartment.

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Brexiter who has never set foot in a museum insists nation fights to the death to keep Elgin marbles

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Brexit voter Simon Williams is happy to see the nation go to war to keep hold of the Elgin marbles, in order to show Johnny Foreigner that Brexit Britain can’t be pushed around.

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Italy threatens to veto UK’s free-trade agreement with EU unless nation stops serving chips with lasagna

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Inspired by Greece’s demand for a return of the Elgin Marbles if the UK wants a free trade agreement with the EU, Italy has insisted that British people stop debasing Italian food, and while we’re at it they can leave off the stupid ‘Mamma Mia’ impressions.

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Facebook ‘Doppelganger challenge’ brings record usage of phrase “Pfft yeah OK mate”

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Everyone on Facebook is being a little bit bullshitty about who they’ve been told they look like, according to reports this afternoon.

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