UK

“Can we tell that alleged rapist to go away again now we’ve got his vote?” asks PM

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Theresa May is wondering if the Tory party can take the whip back from an alleged rapist, now that he’s done his bit.

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Side that absolutely doesn’t need or want this deal still refusing to negotiate further for some reason

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The EU is not budging on a deal they neither needed nor wanted in the first place.

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Hipster racist into antisemitism before it was cool

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A hipster racist has criticised many antisemites as ‘just being trendy,’ and claims he was into it long before it was cool.

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Kleptomaniacs reminded there are only 12 shoplifting days till Christmas

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Kleptomaniacs have been reminded that there are only twelve more shoplifting days until Christmas ensuring even the pickiest of thieves pulls his finger out.

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Theresa May to star in British reboot of The Walking Dead: The Dancing Dead

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With Theresa May still in power but very much on the way out Television producers have offered her a role in a UK-based remake of The Walking Dead.

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Theresa May “absolutely delighted to continue with this utter f*cking shambles”

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The Prime Minister is apparently relieved that she can go back to deliberately knocking Britain into a tin hat.

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Jacob Rees-Mogg to take to the hills and wage pro-Brexit guerrilla campaign

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ERG leader Jacob Rees-Mogg has vowed to fight Theresa May ‘to the last,’ even if it means taking a small, trusted band of Brexit shitheads to the hills and waging an all-out guerrilla war.

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“63% of the vote is not a big enough majority” insist irony-free Brexiters

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The Brexiters in Parliament are tonight suggesting Theresa May should still resign, despite winning a confidence vote by nearly two to one.

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Dismay for Jacob Rees-Mogg as he fails to make old lady homeless and unemployed for Christmas

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Tory backbencher and Brexit poster-ghost Jacob Rees-Mogg is this evening licking his wounds after he failed to make an old lady homeless and jobless in time for Christmas.

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Jacob Rees-Mogg to release ‘I got 48 letters but the bitch ain’t gone’

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Jacob Rees-Mogg is to release a rap track about the problems he faces being a wealthy chap from a good school who somehow failed to get his own way due to a woman.

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