UK

‘Brexit’ scriptwriters admit they have no idea how to write season finale

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The scriptwriters of the long-running British TV saga ‘Brexit’ have admitted today that they have no idea how to write the season finale, due to be broadcast on March 29th.

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Kim and Aggie receive anonymous request to remove stubborn stain from Number Ten

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Kim and Aggie have received a telephone call from an unknown person asking if they can remove the most stubborn stain known to man.

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“It’s my opinion” not the bullet-proof defence Karen thinks it is

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Something being an opinion doesn’t absolve it from criticism, according to reports emerging this morning.

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John Prescott to thump an MP every hour on the hour until Brexit gets sorted

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Westminster has taken to emergency measures.

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Zombies left hugely offended by comparisons to Theresa May’s government

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Following Jeremy Corbyn’s denouncement of the ‘zombie government’, leading zombies have objected to the comparison to May’s government and are demanding a public apology.

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Gillette commercial nowhere near as offensive as the price of their f*cking razor blades

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If you’re offended by Gillette’s advertising, wait until you hear how much their products cost.

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‘Support Theresa May’, plead DUP knowing nobody else would be stupid enough go to make a deal with them

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The DUP are terrified that Labour’s motion of no confidence will lead to a new government and the end of their political influence.

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“The only way forward is to do exactly what I’ve said all along” – exclusive interview with every British politician

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In an exclusive interview this morning, every politician in Britain has insisted the only way forward is for other people to change their position, and not them.

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Theresa May grateful that vote of no confidence was called by only MP less popular than she is

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Theresa May will face a vote of no confidence in parliament this evening but is relieved the vote was called by the only MP in the houses of parliament with a lower approval rating than hers.

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Britain successfully lulls EU into false sense of security by giving appearance of incompetence and confusion

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As Theresa May’s Brexit deal was voted down yesterday, Europe looked on, baffled at the incompetence and confusion coming out of Westminster – which could be exactly what the government want them to think.

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