UK

Amazon’s new ‘Astro’ household robot caught fiddling his own tax returns

Amazon’s newly released Astro household robot has been caught trying to avoid paying tax on his earnings in his first week of employment it is revealed today. Astro, which has been unveiled by Amazon this week to provide assistance to its owners using Amazon Alexa’s virtual assistant technology was spotted fiddling his tax returns earlier

Major rail incident declared as Huey Lewis found riding train without credit card

British Transport Police were called upon earlier today to resolve a dispute involving rock legend Huey Lewis.

We’ll happily sell fuel to people who win fights, confirm petrol stations

The fuel industry has confirmed that violence is definitely the best way to procure petrol for your vehicle.

Government proposes a ‘clap for lorry drivers’ to ease delivery crisis

Transport Secretary Grant Shapps has proposed a regular ‘clap for lorry drivers’ to thank them for their hard work making deliveries.

Unlikeable harridan joins party of morons to promote issues of complete inconsequence

‘Why weren’t The Kaiser Chiefs impeached for I Predict A Riot?’ rages Donald Trump

Government’s post-Covid plans for killing people include nuclear strike and water poisoning

Government to make new Brazilian variant available to everyone in UK ‘within weeks’

Iain Duncan Smith boasts he could easily live on a money bag half-filled with tuna

‘You shouldn’t have kids unless you can foresee every single thing for the next eighteen years’ insist morons

‘You can’t trust Tories with free school meal money as they’ll only waste it on profits for their mates’ insist benefit recipients

Man who calls Twitter bans ‘Orwellian’ very confused as to why people ask him about some Winston Smith chap

Government warns ‘If you don’t follow the rules we’ll make them even more complicated’

‘That’s all you get for thirty quid after Brexit’ confirm Chartwells

Man insists Boris Johnson’s performance should only be compared to alternate reality where Jeremy Corbyn won election

Ready Steady Cook’s Ainsley Harriott at a complete loss after being handed £30 bag of ‘free school meal’ ingredients

Brexit U-turn as prominent leavers demand open borders after one ham sandwich confiscated

‘I can’t live under these strict draconian rules anymore’ says man wandering around Costco looking at massive TV’s

New Creme Egg advert slammed for promoting the ‘abnormal’ behaviour of sharing chocolate

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