UK

‘It is time to take personal responsibility’ insists man who has abandoned two wives and an unknown number of children

Boris Johnson has announced an end to Covid restrictions in England and insisted it is time for people to take ‘personal responsibility’ for their actions – because that’s precisely the sort of thing you’ll find if you take a cursory look at his personal history.

Do you remember Covid? A NewsThump retrospective

With the country now totally back to normal, cast your mind back and see if you can remember the coronavirus pandemic.

Boris Johnson to unveil plan for ‘living with Tories’

The Prime Minister is set to unveil plans today of how England will ‘live with Tories’ over the next few years.

Coldplay jealous as Storm Eunice blows the roof off the O2

Storm Eunice has done what Coldplay could never, according to reports this afternoon.

England Fan always knew we’d win

England fan loses voice cheering name of player he was booing two hours earlier

‘Gonna boo us when we kneel now, f*ckers?’ By the England football team

Efficient England fans offer in-depth criticism of performance several hours before match

Blasting a rendition of an American movie theme tune will be key to England victory, insists trumpet twat

Homeworker, fuming after receiving invite for online Teams meeting, at 4:30pm… TODAY

England unveil new beige strip to match their playing style

‘If you think last night was exciting, I’m only starting 8 defensive players today’ confirms swashbuckling Southgate

Cleaners offered counselling after foolishly using blacklight in Matt Hancock’s office

Deer admits lifelong ambition to kill and eat a second-rate television presenter

Boris Johnson appoints Matt Hancock as full-time wingman

Deliveroo Euros advert ‘worst thing ever’ conclude scientists

Episode of Location Location Location marred by impromptu wildlife massacre

Matt Hancock falls on his pork sword

Matt Hancock resigns to spend more time with someone else’s family

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