Local girlfriend Simone Williams somehow still has feet like blocks of ice, it has emerged this morning. Her feet, which you are going to feel whether you like it or not because she’s going to try and warm them on your legs at two o’clock tomorrow morning, are indeed chilly despite it being thirty-seven de-fucking-grees.
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The popular Room on Fire meme is currently on fire, it has been confirmed.
Thatcher wannabe Liz Truss has been attempting to emulate the former PM’s sleeping habits with the result that she’s now completely brain-dead.
The Penny Mourdant campaign for the Tory leadership contest has been knocked off course following revelations that she favours being nice to people.
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