Technology

Having a giant Union Jack behind you on video calls an acceptable substitute for doing a good job, insist Tories

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Being in possession of at least one Union flag and having it visible in your lounge during Zoom interviews with the media is a good substitute for talent, the Conservative Party have today confirmed.

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Huge strain on Facebook as snow sweeps UK

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Facebook servers have been put under enormous strain as the people of the UK rush to post pictures of the small sprinkling of snow outside their window.

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‘Apple profits are outrageous’ tweets man into his new £1,300 iPhone

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Technology giant Apple has declared its most profitable quarter ever, much to the annoyance of people who don’t seem to understand how capitalism works.

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Stock market panic as the wrong kind of people make money from it

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The stock market has flown into a panic after some less experienced people managed to make it work for them.

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Man furious as 40-minute run counts for nothing after forgetting to wear his Fitbit

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A man is absolutely furious today after completing a 40-minute lunchtime run which counted for absolutely nothing after completely forgetting to wear his new Fitbit in order to track his progress.

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Twitter apologises for allowing photo to be tweeted that isn’t Bernie and his f**king mittens

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Twitter has apologised after it allowed a photo to be tweeted that didn’t feature Bernie Saunders and his f**king mittens in some way.

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Experts claim curve ‘finally beginning to flatten’ for Bernie Sanders chair memes on the Internet

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Experts have today announced that the current rate of Infection for posting memes involving US Senator Bernie Sanders sat on his inauguration chair in various mocked up situations has finally begun to flatten.

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Internet determined to sell man earwax-removal products

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The Internet remains determined to sell a man earwax-removal products despite a seeming lack of interest from the man.

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Steve Davis banned from Parler for years of extremely moderate views

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Former snooker world champion Steve Davis has been banned from Parler after years of extremely boring, moderate, non-inciting views.

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Twitter wastes no time in suspending Trump after only 1449 days of hate-speech and harmful fake news

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Popular social media hellscape Twitter has wasted no time in addressing Donald Trump’s use of the platform to spread hate, far-right misinformation and incite a failed armed insurrection by leaping into action and suspending his account just 1449 short days after he started.

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