Technology

Man celebrates after being added to 100th unnecessary WhatsApp group that he will never be able to leave

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A man is celebrating today after being added to his 100th unnecessary WhatsApp group from which he will never be able to leave due to his crippling politeness. 

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Donald Trump’s Truth Social platform banning people for suggesting his tan is fake

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Donald Trump’s right-wing free-speech loving social media platform ‘Truth Social’ is today banning hundreds of users for suggesting the former President might not be a ‘natural orange’. Despite insisting his platform is the last refuge of free speech, administrators for the Trump propaganda vehicle have been quick to permanently suspend any users expressing opinions they […]

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‘It cooks in just 60 seconds’ says man waiting two hours for his pizza oven to heat up

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A man has insisted today that he can provide a lovely home cooked pizza from his shiny new pizza over which cooks in just 60 seconds, after waiting approximately two hours for it to heat up.

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Elon Musk’s Twitter reign already paying huge dividends with glorious return of Tommy Robinson

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Elon Musk’s commitment to free speech is already paying dividends after convicted fraudster, stalker, and assaulter of police officers Tommy Robinson was welcomed back onto the platform. Robinson, who has been removed from numerous social media platforms over the years for his repeated belief that the rules and laws of the land don’t apply to […]

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“I will never accept a microchip tag” insists man glued to his GPS-enabled 4G-capable camera and microphone

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A man has revealed today that he will never allow himself to be tracked using a microchip, after reading about the possibility on his GPS-enabled 4G-capable device equipped with a high-definition camera and microphone. Simon Williams, who has only actually left his house twice in the last month but seems convinced that the government is […]

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Billionaires buying social networks always works out brilliantly, insists former MySpace owner Rupert Murdoch

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Rupert Murdoch has praised Elon Musk’s purchase of Twitter, insisting billionaires buying social networks always leads to positive outcomes.

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Madman to buy toilet wall for $44bn

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Some lunatic is spaffing an obscene amount of money in order to own Twitter.

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UK’s first self- driving bus passes ‘ignore passengers running to bus stop’ test

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The UK’s first self- driving bus has passed the ‘ignore desperate passengers running to the bus stop’ test with flying colours it is revealed today after successfully driving off without them. 

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Doctor Evil to buy MySpace

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Volcano-dwelling business magnate and global supervillain Doctor Evil has announced he intends to purchase MySpace for slightly more than one million American dollars. Evil, who first came to the worlds attention by stealing spaceships direct from orbit with a launcher of his own design, is understood to already have significant interests in finance, doomsday weapons […]

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5G conspiracists reaching evidence-free conclusions up to 20 times faster than 4G conspiracists

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Normal people are concerned that 5G conspiracy theorists are reaching fanciful inaccurate conclusions at speeds up to 20 times faster than 4G conspiracy theorists ever could, even at their most efficient.

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