Technology

Vladimir Putin announced as new Facebook news regulator

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Vladimir Putin has been revealed as the newly appointed news regulator for tech giant Facebook.

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Mother wants to know if you’re OK after seeing all those strange memes you’re sharing

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Your mother is worried about you, according to reports this afternoon.

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Hard Brexit ministers unsure why Theresa May suddenly so keen to call them via FaceTime

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Cabinet ministers and MPs who are publicly supporting a hard Brexit were surprised to wake to a flurry of FaceTime calls from the struggling prime minister this morning.

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Chinese probe to dark side of the moon accidentally lands on Decepticon base

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Megatron and the rest of the Decepticons are ‘royally hacked off’ after a Chinese moon-probe landed slap bang on top of their secret base, we can reveal.

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Santa’s sleigh grounded indefinitely due to some Lapland knobhead with a drone

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Santa Claus’ airborne sleigh fleet has been grounded until further notice due to some twat in Lapland flying a drone near his headquarters.

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Annoying drone traced to Jacob Rees-Mogg’s mouth

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An annoying drone which threatens to bring the nation to a standstill has been found emanating from Jacob Rees-Moggs mouth.

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Drone sales shoot up as arseholes realise they can shut down whole airports

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Following the well-publicised shutdown of Gatwick airport for over 24 hours by a couple of drone flights, petty-minded bellends around the world have all requested a drone for Christmas in the hope that they too can feel important by inconveniencing thousands of people.

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Theresa May sues Fortnite for using her dance moves

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The Prime Minister is the latest celebrity to sue video game Fortnite for ripping-off the unique dance moves they invented.

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Man with nothing interesting to say really showing off his beard on Tinder profile

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A man with limited conversational prowess is really working his well-sculpted beard on Tinder.

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Drones over Gatwick found to be new Ryanair ‘Super Economy’ flights

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Following hours of cancellations and delays, a sheepish Gatwick airport has issued a statement confirming that what they initially thought were drones are in fact the maiden flights of the new Ryanair ‘super economy’ series.

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