David Cameron sends troops to Brazil as England crisis worsens
The UK is urgently deploying several hundred armed troops in and around Brazil as the England squad prepare to repel a rampant Uruguayan insurgency on Thursday evening.
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Phil Neville may provide the key to beating insomnia, claim doctors
A team of doctors conducting research into the effects and treatment of long-term insomnia, at St Mary’s Hospital, London, have announced Phil Neville-related breakthrough in the treatment of the condition.
England World Cup pitch treated by ‘same people who did Rooney’s hair’
In the countdown to England’s first World Cup game on Saturday, panicky Brazilian officials have asked Wayne Rooney for the phone number of the people who carried out his hair transplant.
US military refusing to ‘rule anything out’ in bid to topple Sepp Blatter
The footballing world has called upon the US military to remove the corrupt regime of FIFA bastard Sepp Blatter, it has emerged.
