The English Bridge Union has offered to include five press ups for each trick won in an attempt to be classified as a ‘sport’ in the eyes of funding body Sport England.
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Britain is bracing itself for six weeks of unremittingly tedious middle-class, middle-aged, awful people endlessly boring on about rugby; a sport they have only the vaguest comprehension of.
Liverpool FC’s team of talentless, pampered millionaires is to be replaced by a lethal army of killing machines, our kid.
Despite having scored fewer goals than Wayne Rooney and Bobby Charlton, Gary Lineker remains England’s top scorer with a full head of hair.
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