Sports

England fans forced to choose between two “ancient rivalries” that the other sides could not give a toss about

The world cup final between France and Argentina has left English football fans hesitant over who to cheer for as both teams represented significant historical and emotional antagonism for the English that their counterparts were blissfully unaware of.

Dave the Cat absolutely starving

Dave the Cat has been left wondering if the people who feed him are going to turn up and fill his bowl, according to reports this morning.

Mickey Mouse cup anyway

England are out of a small Mickey Mouse cup that nobody cares about.

NASA’s Orion capsule returning to Earth from the Moon passed by Harry Kane’s penalty

NASA’s Orion capsule, which is due to land back on Earth tomorrow, has been passed on its journey back from the moon by Harry Kane’s penalty.

‘Keep politics out of sport’ insists man who ‘Liked’ every photo of Rishi Sunak filling in his World Cup wall chart

“Watching Harry Maguire sober is the real human rights violation”

Football fan finds way to enjoy the full Budweiser experience in Qatar by filling his glass from the tap

FIFA President defends Qatar World Cup in tracksuit stuffed with cash

The ‘selling beer’ part was actually pretty important to our sponsorship of the World Cup, confirms Budweiser

Essential guidance for fans planning to visit the World Cup in Mordor

Advent calendars warn World Cup wallcharts, ‘You’ve got two weeks’

Low-quality supporter accommodation at Qatar World Cup proves local officials also happy to treat straight people with utter contempt

Qatar ends sponsorship deal with David Beckham after discovering he is a metrosexual

“They wouldn’t even change the club name to Ronaldo FC”

Qatari official to be ‘flogged’ after accidentally cancelling Sepp Blatter’s regular bribe a month early

Cristiano Ronaldo smashes Premier League record for sulks per week

‘Focus on the football’ insists governing body focussing entirely on the money

Foreign Secretary calls on football fans to be respectful of Qatar at the World Cup by stoning any players who have committed adultery

‘Try not to be gay over there’ – Foreign Secretary provides guidance for LGBT fans attending World Cup in Qatar

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