Sports

Sports news from NewsThump.com – bringing you the latest from the world of sport, updated every second.

‘Bronze is nothing to celebrate’, insists man who threw a party when his book was 9th in the best-sellers list

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Piers Morgan has today diminished the achievements of bronze medalists at the Olympic games, insisting no one should celebrate coming 3rd, despite throwing a party when his book scraped in the top 10 best-sellers.

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Grown man gets actual Olympic gold medal for pissing about on a skateboard

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A grown man has been given an actual real Olympic gold medal it is revealed today for just pissing about on a skateboard trying to do tricks.

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Flag shaggers put away crusty St George’s flag and lube up the Union Jack as Olympics get underway

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Rage-filled nationalists who can only find sexual release through the worship of symbols triggered by the sporting prowess of total strangers, have confirmed that they have stopped jizzing on the England flag and are now rubbing themselves raw on the UK’s standard.

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Footballers should only benefit commercially from being arseholes, says absolute moron

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Marcus Rashford should not benefit commercially or in any way whatsoever from being a caring, kind and genuine person says a complete moron today.

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International Handball Federation fines Norwegian Women’s team for refusing to call IHF officials ‘Daddy’

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Controversy has arisen in the staid world of Handball after the IHC fined the Norwegian Women’s team 1500 euros for wanting to wear shorts, refusing to wash cars in white T-shirts, and for making a big fuss about cameras in the shower.

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Marxists to stop taking the knee for fear of being mistaken for England fans

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A Marxist non-hierarchical spokesperson has called for Marxists throughout the nation to reject the tainted ideology of being a racist England fan.

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Anonymous online racists who cannot be traced to be banned from attending football matches

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Anonymous online racists, who choose to spew their vile and disgusting abuse with a series of made-up Twitter accounts using false and untraceable details are to be banned from attending football matches the Prime Minister has revealed.

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England team slammed for promoting anti-English values of tolerance, decency and kindness

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There is growing anger against the England football team for their continued attempts to promote anti-English values such as decency, kindness, and tolerance.

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Chris Rea and Frank Skinner already working on “It’s Coming Home for Christmas”

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Chris Rea and Frank Skinner are working on the most logical collaboration since Morecambe met Wise.

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‘Historic’ final actually quite unlikely to be put into history books, insist cruel academics

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A grieving nation was further hurt this morning as the chroniclers of the age said that it was unlikely historians of the future would care about England losing at sport, and even less likely anyone would regard such a routine event as particularly significant.

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