Sports

Sports news from NewsThump.com – bringing you the latest from the world of sport, updated every second.

Fifa to investigate racial abuse by international fans before doing f*ck all about it (again)

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Fifa is to investigate racial abuse suffered by a number of England’s black players during their World Cup qualifying match in Hungary last night, before doing absolutely fuck all about it again.

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Arsenal ask if they can submit goals from 1995-96 season for August Premier League goal of the month

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Arsenal have requested to submit a selection of goals from their 1995-96 season for this year’s August Premier League goal of the month.

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Harry Kane to stay at Spurs after discovering he is allergic to silver

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Harry Kane is staying at Spurs in order to avoid contact with trophies.

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Fantasy football fans excited to watch every single one of their players suddenly become absolutely shit

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Fantasy football players all over the UK are ready, set and excited to start up their season again today while watching every single one of the players they picked suddenly play like absolute shite.

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‘We’re only paying him €150 per week, honest’ insist PSG owners

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Paris Saint Germain have confirmed today that new addition to their squad, Lionel Messi, will only actually be paid about €150 per week, in order to comply with the Financial Fair Play rules that they take ever-so seriously.

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Olympic rings cut up to avoid harming wildlife

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As the 2021 Olympics close, the rings which symbolise the celebration of athletic competition have been ceremonially cut up and carefully disposed of rather than being thrown into the sea or the bottom of a hedge as usual.

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Bag packing at Aldi to be included in next Olympics

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Bag packing at Aldi supermarkets is to be included in the next Olympics it has been revealed.

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Tearful Messi tells reporters, ‘I would do anything to stay at Barcelona… except play for less than £50m a year’

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A tearful Lionel Messi has given his farewell press conference at Barcelona today declaring he would have done anything to stay at his beloved club, apart from play for less than about €50m a year, obviously.

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‘We have no idea what the rules are either’ admit Olympic track cyclists

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Competitors at the Olympic velodrome have admitted they’re as baffled as everyone else by all the weird races.

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“We were asleep in bed” say parents of latest Olympic medal winner

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In a televised interview this morning, Derek and Eireen Williams have confirmed that they were both fast asleep in bed when their daughter won an Olympic medal, it has been reported.

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