Sports

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Donald Trump claims victory at Masters after convincing officials to stop counting his score after 9 holes

Donald Trump has claimed a miraculous victory at the Masters golf tournament after convincing officials to ‘stop the count’ after nine holes.

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Greg Clarke ‘deeply saddened’ after saying what he was actually thinking out loud

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Former Football Association chairman Greg Clarke has advised today that he was ‘deeply saddened’ that he actually said all of the racist, misogynistic, homophobic and just utterly fucking stupid things that he believes ou loud yesterday.

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Mesut Ozil to replace Gunnersaurus as Arsenal mascot

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Mesut Ozil has replaced Gunnersaurus as the club’s new mascot at Arsenal, it has been revealed.

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Solksjaer and Klopp wake up in the same skip following post-thrashing bender

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Ole Gunnar Solksjaer and Jurgen Klopp have woken up in the same skip this afternoon.

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Fantasy Football Manager leaves team ‘by mutual consent’ after one game, for third successive season

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A Fantasy Football Manager from South Wales has announced this morning that he and his club, “Norfolk’n’Chance”, have reached an agreement to terminate his tenure after just one game week.

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Fantasy football fans ready and excited to watch every one of their players suddenly become absolutely shit

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Fantasy football players all over the UK are ready, set and excited to start up their season again today, and to watch every one of the players they picked suddenly play like absolute shite.

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Only professional footballer in world not linked with summer move to Bielsa’s Leeds United sacks agent in disgust

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With the news that even Lionel Messi has been linked with a move to newly-promoted English Premiership side Leeds United, there is now officially only one professional player left in the world not to have been linked with the “slumbering giants”, and he’s not happy about it.

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‘If Man Utd couldn’t make him part of a credible defence, what chance did we have?’ ask Harry Maguire’s lawyers

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Harry Maguire’s legal team have bemoaned the Manchester United captain’s inability to put in a solid defensive performance after he was convicted of three convictions in a Greek court.

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Neymar brutally murdered six times during Champions League final

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Brazilian superstar Neymar suffered a number of murders during the Champions League Final last night.

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Washington NFL team changes name to ‘American Capital City Ball-Throwing Persons’

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After a long controversy surrounding the use of the name ‘redskins’, Washington DC’s NFL side has changed their name to the perfectly accurate and offensive-to-no-one ‘American Capital City Ball-Throwing Persons’.

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