Encouraging people to avoid sex outside of heterosexual marriage never did followers of the Catholic church any harm, according to the Church of England today.
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Sex is only for married heterosexuals, says the organisation that was only founded because Henry VIII was tired of fruitlessly banging his wife and fancied a bit of a change.
In a bold move today, the General Synod of the Church of England launched a marketing strategy aimed directly at recruiting hardcore Catholics who are disillusioned at being part of a paedophile ring but don’t feel there is anywhere else that hates sex as much as they do.
Basingstoke resident Simon Williams has today entered what seems like the fourteenth year of dry January.
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