The government is under increasing pressure from all sides to immediately lift lockdown restrictions after Ed Sheeran revealed he is using the time to pen a new album.
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British racists breathed a sigh of relief yesterday as the first charter planes full of Romanian workers landed in the UK, giving hope that there might still be a chance for cretinous racial hatred to survive the lockdown.
Ever since the sun came out and local man Simon Williams started wearing shorts, his horrid pasty legs have been proving incredibly effective at getting people to keep their distance when he goes for a walk.
A panel comprising the nation’s finest socio-linguistics experts and behavioural psychologists have decreed that there was no significant difference in how much we hate cretins who have barbecues in the park during a pandemic and sanctimonious wankers who scowl at joggers.
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