Launching his JustGiving appeal, inspirational local man Simon Williams has pledged that every time he fancies “a piece of cheesecake or a can of pop,” he will heave himself off the settee and waddle through to the kitchen to fetch it personally.
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Her Majesty the Queen has quickly shot down Ben Fogle’s plans to sing at her, according to reports.
A celebrity is said to genuinely believe that someone somewhere gives a shit about their ‘lockdown recommendations’.
After news that 99-year-old Captain Tom Morgan has raised £15m for the NHS by walking around his garden, Boris Johnson has pledged to recruit 24 99-year-old men just like him every week to make up the shortfall in funding.
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