Science

Man decides it’s easier to be climate change denier than waste his life washing out food containers

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A man has decided it’s easier to become a climate change denier than spend 90% of his free time scrubbing out the remnants of an M&S Broccoli Cheese or Waitrose Cannelloni in order to recycle them.

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Drinkers urge scientists to make up their bloody minds

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As new research shows that even one drink a day can reduce life expectancy, drinkers have suggested that maybe scientists all sit down in a room and make their bloody minds up.

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Mark Zuckerberg to be fitted with empathy chip

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Mark Zuckerberg is to be upgraded to ‘the full range of human emotions’ as Facebook attempt to defuse their ongoing problems.Mark Zuckerberg is to be upgraded to ‘the full range of human emotions’ as Facebook attempt to defuse their ongoing problems.

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God suffering existential crisis after meeting Stephen Hawking

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Following the passing of the late Professor Stephen Hawking reports from Heaven today indicate that God is suffering an existential crisis having been defeated by Hawking’s logic.

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Average IQ of the human race plummets overnight

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The average intelligence of the human species has plummeted overnight with the news of the passing of renowned scientist, Professor Stephen Hawking.

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Stephen Hawking escapes the physical universe

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Stephen Hawking lived a life which could be observed, but not measured.

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CERN to release Small Hadron Collider for home use

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CERN has announced that they are to release a cut down version of their popular Hadron Collider for use in the home.

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Will YOU survive in post-Brexit Britain? Take our interactive quiz to find out!

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Brexit Secretary David Davis has announced that post-Brexit Britain is nothing to be scared of, which should give comfort to the sort of morons who believe anything he says – but will YOU be able to survive in post-Brexit Britain?

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Privatisation of ISS nothing to do with creating future evil space lair, insists Trump

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After announcing that funding should be withdrawn from the International Space Station and for it to become a future commercial platform, Trump has insisted that there is no need for global concern at all.

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Flat-earth space agency to launch satellites by throwing them off the edge

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The Flat Earth Society is to beat Elon Musk at his own game by throwing satellites off the edge of the world to get them into orbit.

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