Science

Nation having less sex than ever pleads with broadcasters for fewer images of Nigel Farage

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Brits across the nation have pleaded with broadcasters and news organisations to stop putting pictures on Nigel Farage on the television and in their newspapers.

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Government declares climate emergency compelling it to ignore global warming with greater urgency

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The government has declared a climate emergency which will compel it to urgently ignore issues surrounding global warming.

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Shrimp partying like f**k

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Shrimp in Britain’s rivers are ripped off their tits pretty much 24/7, we can reveal.

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Top scientists from MIT and London Imperial College finally decipher Labour’s Brexit policy

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The scientific world was hailing a huge breakthrough today as it was revealed that some of the world’s top scientists have deciphered the Labour Party’s Brexit policy.

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Everyone having nightmares about milk ducts

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An image of human milk ducts has gone viral and now nobody will sleep soundly ever again.

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Anti-vax bellends somehow worried about creating children as amazing as Greta Thunberg

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Anti-vax arseholes responsible for the coming measles pandemic are of the opinion that large scale infant mortality problems are better than creating a generation of highly-intelligent autistic children capable of understanding basic science.

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Successful Extinction Rebellion campaign delays inevitable global catastrophe, by a couple of hours

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The successful Extinction Rebellion campaign which has prevented a few cars and polluting vehicles moving around parts of London for a couple of days, has led experts to predict that it has delayed an inevitable global environmental catastrophe, by a couple of hours.

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Catholics busy confusing science with divine intervention

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Following the terrible blaze at Notre Dame Cathedral this week, some Catholics have pointed out that God must be real because a golden Crucifix above the altar survived the inferno.

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DNA tests reveals Stonehenge was a neolithic monument to kebabs

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Scientists comparing DNA samples have proven that the 3000-year-old British landmark was constructed by early Anatolian settlers and is now thought to be an elaborate Turkish restaurant.

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Israel fires spacecraft at the moon after alleging someone there threw stones at them

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Israel has been accused of ‘overreacting’ after it fired a projectile into the moon in a show of strength against what it calls ‘moon-dwelling stone throwers’.

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