Science

Men win more Nobel Prizes than women because they are smarter, say utter dimwits

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Complete imbeciles across the world have responded to recent accusations, that the Nobel Committee is biased against female nominees, by claiming men are inherently more predisposed to brilliance despite every word they have ever uttered being a damning indictment to the contrary.

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Your brain waiting until half two tomorrow morning to remind you of that stupid thing you did

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Your brain is planning to remind you of the stupid thing you did 15 years ago in the early hours of tomorrow morning, it has confirmed.

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Students who bunked lectures during Homeopathy degree secure better marks than full attendees

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The University of Basingstoke has confirmed that the less often students turned up for classes on its new Homeopathy degree course, the higher the mark they got.

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Satirical website discovers new way to stuff even more adverts onto the page

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Popular satirical clickbait site FactPunch! has discovered some new and exciting methods to cram even more adverts onto their page, they have announced today.

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“Stop me before I tweet again,” begs emotional Elon Musk

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Serial entrepreneur and social media accident waiting to happen Elon Musk has begged friends to take his phone off him whilst he still has a company to lose.

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Ignore what the so-called ‘experts’ say and throw us some damn bread, demand ducks

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Ducks across the country are demanding that you continue to throw pieces of bread in their direction, no matter how bad so-called experts insist it might be for them.

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Country where trains are routinely stopped by leaves begins space race with EU

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The UK, a nation that hasn’t launched a rocket into space since 1979, has thrown down the gauntlet to the European Space Agency and decided it would launch a rival GPS network to Galileo despite every single IT project started by the British government turning to utter shit.

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Wonga close to collapse after accidentally borrowing a fiver from itself

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Legitimised loan-shark Wonga is on the brink of collapse after someone in the expenses department pressed the wrong button and borrowed a fiver six months ago.

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Planet Earth to search for better deal by switching away from the Sun as main energy provider

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Planet Earth is planning to switch from using the Sun as its energy supplier, in order to get a better deal on its fuel bills.

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UK to issue no-deal Brexit advice on how to tackle mutant, radioactive cockroaches

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The UK government will issue a comprehensive set of guidelines on how to cope with the hazards posed by a limited nuclear exchange between Brussels and London, it has emerged.

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