Science

Donald Trump recommends wearing a hat to prevent coronavirus

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US President and insane despot Donald Trump has introduced new measures to prevent the spread of coronavirus, chief amongst them is the recommendation to always wear a hat.

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New study confirms that cold weather can “do one”

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The cold weather can “do one”, according to a new scientific study.

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Glaswegian scientists discover key way of fighting Coronavirus is to ‘kick its f*ckin’ c*nt in’

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Glaswegian geneticists have discovered a key weakness in Covid-19’s armoury, which may ultimately benefit the whole of humankind.

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Met Office hoping that £1.2 billion investment in new supercomputer delivers more than ’42’

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The Met Office will be hoping for something considerably more tangible than “42” after newly appointed business secretary, Alok Sharma, announced a spend of £1.2 billion pounds on a new weather supercomputer.

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Tuesdays ‘awful’ finds new report

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A long-running study has found that Tuesdays are utterly hateful.

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Storm Brendon set to cause chaos: is it Meghan’s fault?

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Storm Brendon is expected to make landfall on Great Britain today bringing travel and infrastructure chaos and experts are suggesting that this first named storm of the year could be the fault of Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex.

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Hopes rising that Jacob Rees-Mogg has returned to the late nineteenth century

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Police investigating the whereabouts of Jacob Rees-Mogg believe he may have returned to the century from which he came, it has emerged.

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World leaders confident they will be able to ignore climate study endorsed by 11,000 scientists

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World leaders led by Donald Trump are confident they will be able to successfully ignore a new study that declares Climate change to be a ‘clear and unequivocal’ emergency.

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Homeopathic research institute unable to tell which test group took the placebo

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Disaster struck ongoing attempts to prove the efficacy of homeopathic remedies today after researchers forgot which of the test groups took the placebo.

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Climate change ‘written off as a hoax’ as weather finally does what it’s supposed to at this time of year

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The weather has actually become autumnal, which means climate change is officially a hoax.

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