Science

Moon wistfully remembering that time when humans were interested in landing on it

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The Moon is today wistfully thinking back to those halcyon days when people wanted to visit it, it has emerged.

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Conspiracy theorists to celebrate 50th anniversary of first ‘moon landing was fake’ claim

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The world’s conspiracy theorists are celebrating today – the 50th anniversary of the first claim that the moon landings were nothing more than an elaborate ruse.

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Get back to the supercontinent Pangaea where you all came from, President Trump tells US citizens

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In a series of controversial tweets President Trump has ordered all Americans to get back to where they originally came from – Pangaea.

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Plans to graft Rory Stewart onto Michael Gove in order to combat Boris Johnson

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Rory Stewart has confirmed that his team is in talks with Michael Gove’s team to graft the two contenders’ bodies together to create a terrifying mutant Tory leadership hybrid that could take on Boris Johnson.

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It must be summer because the rain has warmed up a bit, Britain told

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British summer has well and truly begun, with reports coming in that the rain is almost four degrees warmer than it was in December.

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Brexiter insists climate emergency doesn’t exist because he had to wear a jumper for a few days in June

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A Brexit supporter has today said all evidence for global warming is phoney and a “conspiracy” due to the fact it’s June and he has been a bit chilly over the past few days.

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RSPCA say Schrödinger is both guilty and not guilty of animal cruelty

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Representatives of the RSPCA have stated that cat owner Erwin Schrödinger is both a caring cat-lover and a cruel cat-hater simultaneously.

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Scientists finally identify mystery ‘other planet’ inhabited by the Daily Mail

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Scientists have revealed they might have finally answered the questions, “What planet is the Daily Mail on?”

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Emperor rejects calls for lightsaber control laws after horrendous youngling massacre

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The Emperor has said he sees ‘No need’ for any increase in lightsabre control laws despite the recent mass-killing of younglings in the Jedi temple, we can report.

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Queen automatically wins next year’s Best Actress Oscar for not breaking character and punching Trump in face

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Her Majesty The Queen will be the only nominee for the Best Actress award at the 2020 Oscar ceremony after her outstanding performance smiling at Donald Trump for hours as if she didn’t want to stab him in the eye with a spoon.

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