Science

DNA tests reveals Stonehenge was a neolithic monument to kebabs

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Scientists comparing DNA samples have proven that the 3000-year-old British landmark was constructed by early Anatolian settlers and is now thought to be an elaborate Turkish restaurant.

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Israel fires spacecraft at the moon after alleging someone there threw stones at them

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Israel has been accused of ‘overreacting’ after it fired a projectile into the moon in a show of strength against what it calls ‘moon-dwelling stone throwers’.

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“Black Hole” picture actually the Eye of Terror, humanity warned

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A photograph of a ‘Black Hole’ released yesterday actually shows the birth of Slaanesh and the opening of the Eye or Terror, humanity has been warned today.

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Scientists release first ever image of Brexit

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A clear-ish image of Brexit has been captured for the first time – and the massive shit storm, measuring 40 billion km across (three million times bigger than Earth), has been described by scientists as “a monster”.

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Poo particles appalled to find themselves living on your manky old toothbrush

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After toothbrush scientists revealed that most toothbrushes are riddled with shit, poo particles announced they are disgusted by the findings.

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Cats understand their name, they just choose to ignore it, study shows

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Your feline friend knows that it has a name and knows when you’re using it – it just couldn’t care less, according to a study released today.

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Jet engine developers condemned for potentially bringing Australians ‘within four hours of the UK’

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There has been widespread outcry across Britain over the weekend, following an announcement that a super-fast engine, which could reduce flight times between Sydney and London to around four hours, is due to undergo key tests.

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Climate change protesters prepare to bicycle home

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After a busy day protesting in Parliament Square, climate change protesters were tonight preparing to hop on their bikes and pedal home across the country to enjoy the weekend ahead.

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Brexiter fantasist enjoying final 24 hours of pretending no-deal Brexit is happening

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Brexit supporter and enthusiastic fantast Simon Williams is enjoying his final day of pretending that the UK is leaving the EU with no deal on the 29th March.

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New study shows that the dinosaurs were wiped out by starvation, due to Dexit

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Scientists studying the site of a meteorite strike on Earth 66 million years ago, which destroyed the dinosaurs, have revealed that they have found a number of prehistoric, dino-polling stations in the rock.

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