Science

UK testing ‘Megalabs’ will only be accessible via ten hour Megabus trip

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In line with the government’s existing testing strategy, new facilities – known as ‘Megalabs’ – will be incredibly difficult to get to.

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Thames Water issues moon with overdue water bill

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Thames Water has wasted absolutely no time in calculating the moon’s water bill.

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Organisms on moon think Tory MPs are scum, announce NASA

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NASA has announced that they have received a mysterious signal from the lunar surface stating that all Tory MPs are scum.

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Nobel Prize for Medicine awarded to infectious disease experts in the Facebook comments

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Today, the Nobel Committee awarded the Nobel Prize for Medicine to all the infectious disease experts who have continuously and selflessly advanced medical research by sharing their knowledge through informed comments and posts on Facebook.

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Brain-eating microbe in US water supply explains a f*cking hell of a lot, insist scientists

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A brain-munching microbe found feasting on the intelligence of ordinary US citizens has sparked fears that that particular horse has already fucking bolted, according to reports.

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Martian tripods successfully conquer Earth after adopting social distancing precautions

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An invasion of planet Earth by hostile Martian invasion forces has been entirely successful, due to the Martians taking sanitary precautions this time.

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Virus that can tell the difference between colleagues and friends continues to baffle scientists

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A virus that can somehow discriminate between business and social interactions continues to mystify the brightest minds in the scientific community.

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Potential life on Venus already eyeing up ‘soft-touch’ UK benefits system, warns Nigel Farage

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Following the discovery of phosphine gas in the atmosphere of Venus, which could indicate life on the planet, Nigel Farage has warned that alien civilisations could already be planning to take advantage of Britain’s “soft-touch” benefits system. Highlighting data from a graph he discovered on the Internet, Brexit Party leader and independent journalist specialising in […]

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Rubik’s Cube impossible, confirms scientist

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After nearly forty years of experimentation and investigation, a scientist has confirmed that it is impossible to solve the Rubik’s Cube.

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Sorry, my aim was a little off, says God after NASA confirms asteroid won’t hit Earth

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An asteroid hurtling towards Earth on the day before the US presidential election will miss us, scientists confirmed over the weekend, prompting a public apology from the Almighty Himself.

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