RSPCA say Schrödinger is both guilty and not guilty of animal cruelty
Representatives of the RSPCA have stated that cat owner Erwin Schrödinger is both a caring cat-lover and a cruel cat-hater simultaneously.
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Scientists finally identify mystery ‘other planet’ inhabited by the Daily Mail
Scientists have revealed they might have finally answered the questions, “What planet is the Daily Mail on?”
Emperor rejects calls for lightsaber control laws after horrendous youngling massacre
The Emperor has said he sees ‘No need’ for any increase in lightsabre control laws despite the recent mass-killing of younglings in the Jedi temple, we can report.
Queen automatically wins next year’s Best Actress Oscar for not breaking character and punching Trump in face
Her Majesty The Queen will be the only nominee for the Best Actress award at the 2020 Oscar ceremony after her outstanding performance smiling at Donald Trump for hours as if she didn’t want to stab him in the eye with a spoon.
