Politics

Jacob Rees-Mogg on secret mission to make people root for Theresa May

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It has been revealed that Jacob Rees-Mogg has been tasked with drumming up support for Theresa May by rounding up a bunch of particularly cuntish Tories in a staged plot to oust the Prime Minister.

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Obscenely wealthy Muslims actually pretty cool, confirms Trump

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Donald Trump has spoken out in support of the Saudi regime, insisting that although Muslims obviously aren’t all that great, it’s actually OK to be friends with the obscenely rich ones.

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‘I could negotiate a better deal with the 27 EU nations’ insists man unable to convince 27 Tories to write a letter

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Jacob Rees-Mogg has told party insiders that he could definitely negotiate a better deal with the EU, if only he could negotiate a few more Tories to write a letter.

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Jeremy Corbyn finally reveals his own laughably unrealistic Brexit plan

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Jeremy Corbyn has silenced accusations that he was avoiding taking a clear stand on Brexit, by finally telling the country about his own utterly delusional strategy to leave the EU.

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Hillary Clinton offers advice to ‘Crooked Ivanka’ on deleting emails

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Presidential runner-up Hillary Clinton has reached out to the Trump family in their time of need and offered to guide them through the process of getting rid of potentially incriminating emails.

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DUP bloody loving opportunity to make threats and feel important

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The DUP is secretly over the moon about the whole Northern Ireland backstop issue because it gives them a chance to do what they love best – throw their weight around and intimidate others.

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Brexit rebels urged to get behind Theresa May and respect the democratic vote that saw her become leader

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Brexit rebels including Jacob Rees-Mogg, David Davis and Dominic Raab have been urged to respect the will of Tory MPs and their democratic decision to elect Theresa May as their leader.

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Theresa May tearing apart 10 Downing Street in hope of finding DUP receipt

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Theresa May is currently looking for the receipts for the DUP votes she bought after claiming that the votes she bought aren’t working as promised.

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Tory Brexit rebels pledge to take their fight to remove Theresa May ‘all the way to the European Court of Justice’.

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Leading members of the Tory ERG Group, who have been trying to force a vote of no confidence in the Prime Minister, have pledged to take their fight to the European Court if she refuses to resign.

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Selling off water cannons ‘a bit f*cking premature’ insists nation on brink of food riots

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Scrapping and selling off three water cannons is a tad fucking premature according to UK citizens bracing themselves for a Brexit-based breakdown in law and order.

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